No one's home !!

I want to write, but I cannot.

I want to shout out, but I cannot.

I want to break free, but I cannot.

I feel so lonely, I feel so depressed.

I feel like crying, I feel so suppressed.

No one's around. No one in here.

Just a single wish. I need you right here.

I need you by my side, I need you to hold my hand.

I need a shoulder to cry, I need a hand in my hand.

You are'nt even aware of whats makes me feel like this.

It feels like I am invisible for of you

Is it the real you?

I was waiting for you, but you never came.

I kept waiting, but for you it was just another game.

Were you so blind that you even could'nt see.

It was for you I was someone who I could even never be.

I was just an option for you, whom you placed beside you.

But for me you were the only choice I could ever make.

I need you. I love you

But why should I care !!!!!

You were never there, when I was scared and I was so alone.

Now you need to listen !!!

Get a life and walk away coz I can live alone.

Why should I care !!!

You were never there, when I was scared and I was so alone.

But I am crying out loud !!! I am crying out Louder !!!!!

[My first attempt at open poetry. I know it smells terrible, but still I love it. It is a small insipartion from my these days favourite singer Avril lavigne. At many places the words are put out of force and at many places are'nt required, but what to do, I could'nt find better words so had no other option than to put those words]

cya

the FILM

DISCLAIMER

All the characters, incidents and places mentioned in this blog are entirely true. Any resemblence to anyone living or dead is totally is purposive. The matter of the blog is subject to standard exhibition and the aakash act (1985). Violation to any of the blogging rules will entail the consequences of civil as well as criminal breach of trust.

*************************************************************************************

Present day

Messege: aki, call back !!! ......Komal

*************************************************************************************

[Flashback]

November 20th 2007; time 10.30 am. (A year back)

Komal: aki, this is the last time we are talking with each other.

Me: But why all this? And what has happened?

Komal: Ankur spoke to you last night? Did'nt he tell you everything.

Me: oh ! Come on. I was'nt in my senses and really had no idea what I spoke and to whom. It was just in the morning at around 9, got a call from him.

Komal: Anyways had it enough now. You wanted to wish me a happy birthday, and you have just wished, so mind disconnecting your call, or you want me to do it.

The phone goes dead

*************************************************************************************

14th June 2005 (Jab we met)

Ashu, me and sunny were standing outside melting moments waiting for sandy to come. But the next moment we saw three girls getting in melting moments giggling. But frankly speaking I was'nt interested at all. Reason, had just broke with veronica and found it tough to get out of the ronnie issue. 

Screechhh... Sandy gave a brake to his bike. Atlast he had come so we went inside, as Sandy was actually treating us, for no reason as such.

We ordered our menu and went and sat at our corner table. It was always reserved for us, or might be no one wants to sit there, reason being the corner most chair of the cafe'. 

Sandy : Dude ! That girl is yellow is cute! Aint she?

Me : So?

Sandy : Mind introducing me to them?

Me : But I have no idea who are they !!

After a small discussion, I had actually got up along with sandy to go and talk with them. Moved towards thier table, but suddenly a 'U' turn and had those girls laughing at us.

Our menu was ready, so me and ashu had gone to collect it from the counter, but then just beside us, saw two girls standing. One was that girl in yellow. Saw her, she just passed a small smile, but where as the other girl, Ankita, was actually talking to our dude, ashu.

The only thing I had noticed about those girls was all this while they had been talking in gujrati. And while leaving the counter, I had no idea what I was doing, but I was actually trying to talk to the girl in yellow, about my friend Sandy. 

Me : Mind teaching me gujrati?

She : Excuse me!

Me : No actually, my friend sitting at the corner table wanted to tell you "nice dress".

She : Oh thanks !!

And they walked away to their table and we to ours.

[Back at table]

Ashu : Dude ! I just spoke to that girl and she is hot !!

Sunny : But I too like her!!

Me : She is cute, man !!

Sandy : Did you tell her about me?

Me : WHO YOU?

Ashu : Guys ! Guys ! Good news, they are tomorrow going to robbers cave for a picnic. So.....

Me : Forget man !!

Sunny : Oh comeon ! Dont be a spoil sport.

Next moment I was totally lost. I got up and went and asked that girl in yellow, If I could accompany them. 

Got a smile as my confirmation.

Hi ! I am akash. I stay nearby, opposite scholars home. 

Atlast that girl spoke. Hi ! I am komal, and I am here for my relatives wedding. I will be going back to surat next week.

Me : What?????

Komal : Yea !!

They were done with their snacks, and now they had to go.

Me : So when are we meeting next??

Komal : I dont think so it will be possible.

Me : ohh!!!

Me : Komal, what are you doing this evening?

Komal : Nothing Much !! Gimme a call !!

Me : yeah !!

The whole day I was lost in her thoughts. It appeared as if their had never been any Veronica. It was 5 in the evening. Back then I didnt have a mobile fone, so had to call her from the landline. And dialling from the landline was a big deal, because always someone or the other was always in the room where the fone was kept.

Anyways, gathered courage,dialled the number.

Me : Hi ! Its me akash. Are you free now?

Komal : yea ! Why dont you come over?

Me : 5 mins. and I disconnect the fone.

My mom had been watching me speaking over the fone. So the first thing that came; So you going anywhere. 

Haan ma! Sandy is'nt well. Going to his house, will get late too.

It was the grandest evening ever for me. She dressed in white, was waiting for me. 

Me : So? whats the plan?

Komal : Plan? you called me here, you should have something in mind.

Me : Oh yea !!

And the evening took over. After this, there was just Food, music and conversation. Was discovering a new girl. It was fun. I was slowly falling in love. But couldnt see what was lying back in store for me.

The day had come, she had to leave, and this one week with her, made me fall in love with her, and If my heart was correct, she too was in love with me.

Now she was back home. And I was busy with my work. What was left were just some memories.

In the mean while she had been to doon, a number of times. I too had been to her home town once. It was amazing.

***********************************************************************************

Everything was going good. But I was really an "Immature" person. That what she had called me once. I always ended messing things up. Fight with ankur, Komal brother, coz he just got to know about me and hated me like I was Saddam and he was George Bush.

Everything was over by now. Komal's dad too didnt like her meeting, any "XYZ" guy.

***********************************************************************************

[Present day]

Komal : Hi, aki, nice to speak to you !!!

Me: So how has life been girl. Really missed you a lot all this while.

Komal : Yea, life's good ! Infact enjoying my new life !

Me : Sorry didnt get you !!

Komal : Yea ! I got married this feb.

Pause

Long Pause

Komal : Aki, you there!!

Me : (wiping my tears). No ! I mean yea, hey congrats dude. But whats this, you didnt even tell me.

Komal : It happened so quickly, I too could'nt figure out what was happening and on top of that I didnt even have your number.

Me : Almost crying. Nice to hear that ! And congrats for your newly married life. Have a great life ahead.

And yeah I Love you !!

Komal : Love you too, and she her voice went weak. I knew she was about to cry so said a bye.

***********************************************************************************

Story ends here.

I have a small thing, stolen from somewhere, which I would like to dedicate to the heroine of this story : Komal

When you are gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you are gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you are gone

The word I need to hearto alwaysget me through

The day and make it ok

I miss you

I love you !!

confession box

"I just wanted to say that I have a crush on you....." nah deleted it all....typed yet again, saved it in my draft box ...but again deleted...and finally wrote it in as few words as I could.

omigawd! I could'nt be doing this! Was I doing it? I mean should I? should'nt I? damn...but she's my friend....she should understand... I am sure, she too would have done this, if could have been in my place and me in her place.....and I wasnt even saying that I wanna grow old with you or something. Imagine me saying this to a gal. Noways. I am not a nutcase or retarted. Atleast at this age.

Yeah so, telling a gal that you have got hots for her is no big deal right?

Wrong.

coz she is actually seeing another guy.

Horribly this occured to me after I sending the message.

"what the hell was I thinking". Ok, that was totally stupid, totally dumb and evil and definetly not at all required.

I only prayed that the message should not get delivered even if it got, she should simply laugh over it and thats it.

But the next second, the reply did come and that almost killed me. She said that her friends had her phone and now they are all rolling over the floor.

First thought: Have a plastic surgery, leave town, get a new identity and always remain mysterious and silent about my past. Just wanted mother earth to swallow me in.

Second thought: Well atleast they were laughing.

Awkward moment! Really awkward. Now how do you assume me to get out of this alive and think as if nothing had happened? I just acted like as if it was no big deal. She was sweet enough to understand. So a few messages later I diverted the topic elsewhere to a more interesting topic. Phew!!!

Eversince I have been feeling horrible. Not coz of what happened, but more coz of what is happening. She hasnt messaged me after that.

May be it that or may be I am simply over reacting.!!

So I am here at the confession box:::bloggers.com. Hopefully after I publish this, I am gonna feel hell lot better.

Well in my defence I would just like to say that "its no big deal".

Anyone would agree that I have said way crazier things to gals. Like trying to sing thier favourtie song or trying to deliver a dialouge from the latest movie I would have seen. And compared to them, this was way sweet and decent. Guess the learning from my past. hehe;)

But still this guy sitting next to me, kept giving me weird looks.

I had no answer.

I was still sitting there....guilty and still giggling my head off lost in thoughts.

I hope this cute and small situation I share with her doesnt change. Ouch that would hurt.

I hope I find a nice gal to go on a few dates with her (only that all this gets erased off her mind).
hmmmmm......

My work is done here.
I am pretty much sure after she actually reads this, she'll shake her head at me for being such a kid and message me:
"my god thinking so much about it! chill!!!!"

War of Voices

I can now openly say it and without any hesitation too

I HAVE LOST IT

Am not joking even.

Day after tomorrow I have my Mid term exams coming up and I have already wasted a day trying to holiday, and the amount of work or studies done is Zero. And on top of that I am now committing the Sin of Sins.

Am dreaming about having SEX!!!!!!!

I will repeat : I HAVE LOST IT.

But it's not my fault. I never had it and my friends too keep talking about it. ASSHOLES. These are the couple of voices having a discussion over this ultimate issue. And the following are given below :

Voice # 1 : Man, She's so cute & sexy. So the idea definitely holds good.

Voice # 2 : Shits! Shame on you for having such unholy thoughts! And when the hell are you going to sit and study?

Voice # 1 (ignoring Voice # 1) : I mean, just imagine, she is so hot off the bed, what she'll be on bed. Totally wild!!

Voice # 2 : You are for sure going to burn in the hot oil pot in the hell. You holy fool!

Voice # 1 : Stuff it will you! And Look it this way - I can even get my revenge about the day she had insulted me 11 times in a row. Now I'll make it 15 times in a row. That will teach her a lesson to mess around with simple, honest and a down to earth boy like me.

Voice # 2 : Hmmm..... Sorry, but which planet are you from? What makes you think YOU can do it 15 times in a row. Do you think you will be able to handle even one.

Voice # 1 : I can fake it. Simple as a pie! I just want to have my revenge then I will dump her and move on to the greener pastures. Isn't it a good idea.

Voice # 3 : And remember she even called you a Kidoo the other day.

Voice # 2 : Who the fuck are you now?

Voice # 1 (to Voice # 3) : You are absolutlely right. She is a confirmed bitch......and a hottie as well.

Voice # 2 (to Voice # 3) : Dude, I am aiming for transformation here. So buzz off from where ever you came.

Voice # 3 (ignoring Voice # 2) : Yeah!! You should make her burn in the hell for it.

Voice # 1 : Yeah! Thats so true.... And am not even going to contribute for the 500 bucks room for just a 30 mins fuck. I mean give me a break. She is the one who is so desparate, no matter how hard she tries to deny it.

Voice # 2 : Is anyone listening to me!!!

Voice # 1 & 3 : NO WE ARE NOT!!

Voice # 1 : So where were we? Right- the fuck. Remember what she said the other day? VIRGINS ARE GOOD. How many virgins ( or guys for that matter) she must have nailed so far? Any guesses?

Voice # 3 : Dozen or so? Lets hold that as an average, should we.

Voice # 1 : Yeah! BITCH!! But it's not bad if you think of it. Who better to have sex than with an professional? I'll practise with her, till I am perfect myself. Haha. That should be a laugh.

Voice # 3 : Now that seems to be a practical idea!

Voice # 1 : Hmm.... I don't think so. I mean she is a sweet girl. Yeah, she is preety hot and cute too, but she is too sweet. I don't want to hurt her.

Voice # 2 : What am I hearing? God are you still up there?

Voice # 3 : Ahh....hmm.....ok, if you say so. Anyways, got to leave. bye.

Voice # 1 : Hey, wait a minute!!

Voice # 2 : (rudely) Let that ass go! Can't you see he's trying to corrupt you.

Voice # 1 : But HE did'nt put the idea of sex in me.

Voice # 2 : Well, what about some self respect. How about not being just another guy that girl is going to ruin.

Voice # 1 : Aww.... but she is so cute. And this time she wont be nailing a virgin. A virgin will be nailing her and that too 15 times in a row.

Voice # 2 : Awwk..... This is really hopeless.

And that's the way, my general thought process seems to be going. Man, I am so confuesed. What am I supposed to do? Life for sure is going through lots of up's & down's these days.

Anyways have loads of assignments and also my exams approaching. So basically I should be studying and should stop dreaming about SEX!!!

Story???

I wanted to write a story.

I could'nt.

I sat at the table, picked up my pen, opened the book, but all that came to my mind was her small cute smile. For which I have been searching for a real long time. But never found it back.

The book kept open in front of me. The pen held tight in my hand. But nothing just came to my head. 

I closed my eyes.

I could clearly see her. She was smiling.

Just as in the snaps she had just got back from the trip. Just as I had last seen her. The smile an everlasting smile.

Sigh !!! I drew a deep breath. 

Even the air tasted different. The air I had once taken, had now taken a round turn.

I could'nt write the story.

I opened the door, and went out. I needed a walk. Some fresh air. Needed my mind to get clear. I headed for the park.

People walking around. All happy in thier own work. Colorful, joyous, cheerful and lovely.

It sickened me all the more.

I sat down on the bench, staring at nothing.

Sooner I was surrounded by some kids, playing thier heart and soul out.

Thier smile had a virus, which caught me too. I was smiling. I could feel thier joy, thier happiness and was happy for them.

Then why did I scorch?

Why did I leave them and run away?

I know.

It was not mine but thier joy, thier happiness. Of which I had lost everything and no longer had.

After a while slowed down as the people around would question my saneness, if they ever found me on streets running and on the verge of tears.

Pushed my cap further down, to an extent which would actually cover my face a bit and walked.

I looked at the sun, which was about to set.

Damn, how fast the sun could drop off

I unlocked the door of my apartment and entered.

I went directly to the computer desk. opened the drawer, and started searching around its content. Until I found what I was looking for.

A photo frame. The one I had taken a print out of the pictures I had on my computer and stored it away from the eyes of parents and other preying eyes.

I held it. Looked at it.

A small drop of tear fell onto the frame.

I threw it away.

It crashed against the wall. It broke the silence of the room. I never turned back to have a look at it.

Although I didnt want to, I turned back.

The frame was lying in the sea of broken glasses with her still smiling at me.

I dropped on my knees and cleared the broken glass to get the picture out.

You know. I am talking to you now. Ok tell me. What was this everything? Everything I had dreamt of you and me? Everything you promised me? Everything you made me believe?

I took a look at the picture again.

What did I see?

The picture was still smiling at me.

I went back to the desk.

I could'nt write the story.

Because it's not a story.

It's true.

I'm true.

All my feelings are true.

My love for you is true.

But you don't want to realise it.

.........................and I'm sorry again.

I could'nt write the story.

Not with aki !

I. Hate. Tea.

These words were not to be put together, if they were linked to me. I mean how could I hate tea.

In case you don't relate it well, or fail to understand this, let me tell you about myself.

I was three when I took my first sip of the drink and it tasted like had come out from the divine goblet. Hot. sweet. fresh. All at once. Wow!! I knew I had discovered my addiction, but it was'nt untill my second standard that I really caught onto it. It was the only thing my mother would keep away from me, the sweet poison.

"Amma", she cautioned my Grandmother, "this is not correct, you are spoiling him"

"Relax Mini, its just tea. Besides we make it mild and of milk only!" Grandmother said, a tea addict herself, and mom knew she had lost the battle already.

Over the years, my tea and me went through a lot of changes... and now my tea was strong, hotter and sweeter. and I was.... well I was a teenager.. well what else can I say....What else needs to be said?

So I was now a guy who was always seen in coffee shops, but havin Tea, mostly the Assam tea,or the masala tea and a cute girl occasionally... But I was waiting for my best friend that day. We were meeting after a gap of seven days.... seven whole days!!!! For people who SMS each other 1st thing in the morning even before brushing their teeth, then called up each other once were done with breakfast, then met up in the evening for a cup of tea, seven days was a time unbearable to stay away from each other! So there I was waiting for Komal , and she came in fifteen minutes late...as usual...

Heyyyyy!!!! she said, and we plunged each other in a bear hug.

Hieeeeeeeee!!!! I replied, So how have you been? And how was your tour?

Ohh!! Didnt I tell you. She had gone for a study tour to Chandigarh.....as part fo study tour organized by their college.

Missed you yaar!!" I said, as we took our seats, and Komal did something very uncharacteristic of her. She reached out and pulled my cheeks.

I missed you too yaar!! We had so much fun!! You would have loved it!! The photographic locations were awesome, you really would have loved it.

I know.... Ok now lets order and then I want a minute by minute account of what you all did. Ok.I said.

Ok, and how about the masala tea, like the one we had during our exams freak out time? Komal suggested.

Sure that will be cool. I said

So we ordered two masala tea & started chatting. Now who have been to a CCD, and by chance had the masala tea, would know how it is. Its hot and if you try it like the tequila, its so bitter and concentrated.

Komal started telling me memoirs of the trip, right from the minute they boarded the train. From all that she told me, I gathered the best part of the tour was the night they spent in the train! With everybody staying up the whole night and playing ‘truth n’ dare’....That’s one game I still haven’t grown out of. Not a single time when we all met and always landed up playing atleast a 5-6 rounds of' ‘truth n' dare'.... and as it turned out, it was Komal’s brain behind this for sure; but everybody loved it.

And at one point of time the bottle turned toward Dinesh. She said.

Ohh no not again. Actually I have'nt met a single friend of komal till date but still if i was to find out the person, would easily do it even in the crowed street. That was the magic of Komal's anecdotes. I already knew them all like they were my friends, I knew who was the dude, who was for whom, who was the poor me, who was the joker.. of course it was Dinesh, so I started laughing even before she telling me anything.

No!! No!! Listen, she said. He choose a dare and one guy asked him to pick up a girl at random and propose her.

No ways!! I said.

No really!! And of all he picked up pooja and oh my god! He proposed so sweetly, on his knees, and all eyes were fixed just on him, and even pooja was like, her jaws will drop off any moment. And then he just got up and sat on his seat. And all of us were clapping ad cheering for him.

Really, I said. I could'nt believe it.

Ya....'

And then she kept on describing things about the trip. How they reached late, and could'nt get a decent hotel to stay, and how they they got wet in the pouring rain... and it went on and on. Finally it was time to leave. We paid the bill, and then Komal went on to catch the bus back home where I was getting my helmet on so could get back home. And suddenly I hear a voice shouting my name. I remove my helmet and turn around to see who it is, and I see its komal who came runnig across the road.

Are you nuts? I said, What happened.

I got you something actually, but forgot to give you. She put her hands in the bag and removes a small packet.

What is this?? I said as I took the packet from her. The aroma was enough and we both ended up shouting gleefully.

Tea!!!!

I knew you would like it! Was searching for a gift for you, but could'nt find anything good. So bought this italian tea. Don't how it may be, but thought you may like it. Komal said.

‘Oh my God! That’s so sweet of you! Thanks!’ I said and engulfed her into a bear hug. She hugged me back.

By the way dont mix them both, the one with the red rubber band is the one you need to mix ice and for the blue one, you got to pour in hot water. She said.

They smell almost the same. I said.

Hmm, that 'almost' makes the difference, she replied and I smiled.

Wowie, thanks yaar. I said and there was a auto rickhsaw which slowed down near us.

Aana hai kya madam, He enquired

Haan haan, komal said and ran off.

Call me, she shouted as the rickshaw drove away quickly I just gave a thums up!

I got home and finished dinner in a hurry and mom was quite surprized to see me in the kitchen once we were done.

What are you doing? Mom asked

Making tea, and its quite mild. I said without looking at her.

Hey prabhu! she said and walked off.

I poured the hot italian tea into my favourite red n yellow mug and made my way through to my bed. Found my ipod and ahaa, that played my favourite song, on the shuffels list. What else! My tea, the ipod, the book and the cold outside. The perfect combination.

"This is life" I said to myself as I took the first sip of the coffee.

I spat it back into the mug.

Aaargghhhh!!! I said and tried another sip, it was a small sip although this time. Spat it back again. Picked up my cell, it was eleven thirty. No matters. Opened my message window

‘wht shit hv u givn me ?? U tryna kil me or wht?’ I typed and sent it to komal.

wht?? came the reply after five minutes

wht is the italian teaupposed to be?

u din lik it?

‘I HATE IT MOR THAN ANYTHING I HAVE EVER TASTED! ITS DISGUSTING!’ I replied.

thts wierd? ppl lov it and u dnt... and u call urself a tea addict.

ya rite. I shouted

Akash shut up! came the shout from my parents room this time.

ya ya!! I said and threw the blanket off me. I went inside the kitchen and switched the light on. And wahsed the mug and kept it back on the stand. I opened the refrigerator and took the half finished Dairy Milk bar. I munched onto it irritatedly… but the chocolate soon took over me and I got engrossed in the book and slept off sometime around two-thirty.

For the first time in my life, I got up and didn’t have tea. Mom was in heaven. It actually took me many days to start off again.

God' What happend to you yaar, komal asked me the day after the Italian tea incident, and she was laughing all her way through.

Nothing I said,I like tea, but guess this italian tea is "not my cup of tea". And this made Komal laugh all the more. An now my name in her fone book instead of aki, has been changed to Italian Tea.

ANIL

"Aakash, can you teach me to ride a scooter?" Anil said.

"But why all of sudden a SCOOTER?" I enquired.

Tell yes or No and stop asking such silly questions," he angrily said.

"Ok, and stop shouting now, lets go" I said.

Time 3.30 pm, we guys reached home, and after that taking the scooter out was a big deal, because my even touching it aroused several questions at home.

Aakash, kaha jaa rahe ho! (where are you going), Grandmother shouted.

"Actually have a project to be mailed to the college, so just rushing to the cyber cafe" I repiled back.

"Ok, but get back soon," she replied.

"Haan nani ji," Anil shouted back.

"Has Anil too come," ? She enquired.

"Nahi toh," saying this we ran off with the scooter.

"See riding a scooter is like riding a bicycle, you just got to have a nice balance, for the gears to work, you first have to press the clutch and ..........."

I know all this. Now can you get down and let me ride. Anil said

yeah sure, but please take care. I said and he went zooming.

Aki help!!!! Anil was shouting.

Press the breaks you fool!!!! I shouted back.

Ok now I'll sit behind you, and you ride and please be slow. I instructed.

yeah sure dude, you just chillax. He assured.

And the next moment, the scooter along with me were in the bush, and where as Anil had escpaed and jumped off when he saw the scooter going to the bushes.

Why do you guys booze even at this time? An guy passing by said.

The next moment Anil was trying to pull the scooter out. [To be noted, he didnt care if I was still lying in the bush.]

After this I promised myself will never teach this fellow driving.

This guy was such an asshole, really dont know how to describe him??

This guy was a thicko, a dumbass, a moron and of all he was my friend. He never did things right, or can say the the things never went right for him. The computer would'nt ON, if he ever tried, the mobile phone will stop working if he ever tried operating, the classes would get cancelled if he ever was in time for the college, in short was a total nutcase.

He, by chance happened to be my best buddy at college, and have really shared each and every good as well as bad moment with him. We even had our shares of fight, the topic being common, most of the times. KOMAL.

I was seriously in love with a girl, Komal, and yeah being my best buddy he knew of it. And he used to always tease me with her name, and also with the several gujrati dishes, because she was a gujrati. To a certain limit it was Ok, but this had started to grow eventually over with time, and this became sort of serious, and one day when I could'nt take it anymore, shouted back at him. After which we did'nt speak to each other for almost a week. Guess I took it more seriously and just over reacted.

But being the best buddies, could'nt be without speaking, so I called him up to say a sorry, but this guy is such an asshole, that he said it Ok, now go and have a Dhokla !!!!!!

He had a crush. Only three guys in the entire college knew of it. He always tried his best to lure the girl, but she hardly even noticed him.

He had just one dream, that was to have a NRI girl friend, and the reason for that were sooooo many, and guess no need for me to tell. And today, he is the only guy to accomplish his dream.

We were four guys a group, with just one guy, Nishant being committed. And this guy, always came up to me saying, just one thing.

"Hey this Nishant really is a lucky Dog"

Why??? I asked.

No because he has a girl friend and I don't have.

Dude, that really has no logic. So please stop cribbing, or just hang around with me, what if Komal has a sister too.

But this guy never took anything seriously. Was happy working his way always. He has his own fundas, which he was firm too, and never changed.

The one thing always am thankful to him is that he was like my shield always. I always used to speak without even thinking what am saying, and that always landed me into trouble. But thank god, he really has got a powerful fist. His just one punch was enough to crack Vishal's Specs and break his nose. Always ready to fight for anything.

One quality of his which I just noticed is that this guy really gets over sentimental. I mean a rough & tough kinda guy crying...yiekkksss, they dont go together.

He is such an asshole, such an laid back character, an idiot, the dumbest ass on earth, the cracko, but despite all this, he is my best friend.

Next blog : Anil -the goli- Negi

then she found me

I glowered as I shut the car door right behind me. Never had I hated going to school so much. School was never going to be fun, when in the last 12 years you have changed 4 schools and on top of that was always made to sit in the first row in the class and that to with a girl whom many of the guys were after. Imagine had to deliver letters from across the many fans she had in school to her, after all bench mates matter. I mean, yeah she was good and ofcourse beautiful, but, so what?



She was a girl with the most attitude I had ever met and she will always remain the same.



And I hate such girls. Anyone would actually, especially if you are at the recieving end. I mean ya, I really suffered a lot, but thank god being her benchmate did'nt suffer much. but still that did'nt make he less annoying.



This was just one part of the story. The other part of Veronica was that she was a big bully not a bully a prankster. And Seriously I hated such. So what if her boyfreind was the school captain, does that give her the right to play with anyone around, and especially me. Benchmates rite!!!



She really had a number of tricks to play around with, and I had been seeing them daily.



Really. Every single day.



Everyday Veronica would enter the class and catch the first person he could see as his first bakra. She even never got caught by the teachers, as she was one brainy chap we had in our class. But still, will that do any good for me.



She was intelligent, as in she would always get good grades in her exams, but she never did any home works, and her day would start with someone doing her home work, and many a times I was the one, who did the home work. Although at times I loved it. ;) And by the time she got her home work completed, she would draw some cartoons on the black board which only she found to be funny. She also never got her tiffin box, and the entire year 2003 she had her lunch in my box. And finally when the school came to end, Veronica would run down the stairs, pushing practically anyone who came her way, without much caring to see the consequence.

Really, what went wrong, and by the end of the year, she had completely changed and apart from her changing something else too went wrong. By now I too started loving school and yeah infact was missing the first row where we both sat.

It was my 12th standard and by then I too had become a stud sort of, in my school. And started loving everything around.

"Arey what are you doing? Don't bang the desk, my tiffin will fall" Veronica said to Dipesh.

But Dipesh continued to bang the desk and by the fifth bang, the tiffin fell on the floor with a big clang.

There was a momentory silence, and suddenly everyone burts out laughing.

Veronica looked at the spilled sandwiches.

I looked at dipesh. He was laughing. I turned around to hit him, but he quickly ran out of the class.

I then looked at the spilled sandwiches and went forward to help veronica clean the mess. And you wont believe, she was surprized, rather shock she was left. Her tears started coming. I saw a big fat drop rolling down her cheek.

And within a few moment we had Dipesh infront of veronica.

"Say sorry" Anil shouted, and we had him say sorry to Veronica. And I got up and hit Dipesh hard.

veronica still did'nt stop crying.

“Why are you crying?” I asked, after Dipesh had cleaned the tiffin. He was standing next to my desk, quite.

She didn’t answer.

Should I hit him again?” I asked.

No!” She exclaimed.

I looked at her. "Then what"???

She looked down at the tiffin and said "I'm hungry"

I pulled out my tiffin box immediately.

Mooli ke parante! Yummy I love them.

She started to hog, and she suddenly stopped and asked me, why are'nt you eating?

Am not hungry! I said

Something is wrong with you aki. How can that be? What are you saying?

“Really, you eat,” I said and just took a bite and she continued.

“Thanks,” she said. I smiled. :)

Put it back in my bag after you are done,” Isaid. “I have to go!” and before she could say anything I had stormed out of the room.

Nothing altered much after that day. Veronica was still the same girl and I was still the same boy. The only change we noticed was that we smiled at each other whenever we came across. Guess I was in love. ;)

Small but cute :)

[I had been getting many comments, that my blogs are too depressing and are full of negativity, but I would like to say, that it's no negativity, instead its just a passing thought which I as a blogger would always like to pen it down. Anyways for those such readers, who find my blog depressing and sort of negative, here is a post which will try to bring you back from the negative to the world of imagination and fascination, and will also try to be full of light.]

My parents had always brought me up as a girl.

My mom wanted a girl child, but here came me, but what ever it was, still my mom would treat me as if some girl. As a kid I always used to find myself dressed in some stupid girlish frock, with some polka dots on it. It was my moms favourite one. Always I had two pony tails tied, with a ribbon to decorate it. As a kid, I always had only girls as friends.


Wish this could have been limited just to my mom, but no. Eventually even my elder sister, Gauri, she also started calling me as if really I am that small cute sister of her. She too wanted to have a small cute girl in home so that she could play around with her. But time does justice, and she still had to play around, so why not with me. As a kid I used to play games like, Barbie Barbie, Kitchen cooking and with such similar things. My sister always loved to tie my pony too.

In my cell phone I love to carry the latest songs and almost everyone knew of it. The other day, komal was carrying my cell and was going through the songs, when suddenly, a message comes. "Hi, gudiya (doll)!!!! How are you??? Missing you like hell!!!! Love you!!! Mwahhh." And my komal was shocked. Aakash, who is this doll? And who does send you such messages? I too was shocked!

"I guess wrong number" I replied.

"Yeah, I too think so," Komal replied.

I remember there was this girl Chaani (Chandni), she was elder to me by a year or so. I had a big crush on her, but the irony was that she considered me as her small sweet SISTER.

It really took me time to come out of my childhood shock, of being treated as a girl. And I thank my boys hostel for that. Thank god had to part from parents and study in a boys hostel. Everything was normal then.

But the best part in all that was---Girls all around me. When I joined my hostle, I used to be a very home sick kind of a guy, so even had the chance to sit with my sister in her class, with girls all around. I simply loved it, when girls one after the another used to come and pull my cheeks.

I thought with time everything would change, but to my surprise even till date its the same with my mom and my sis. They still consider me as thier sweet small girl. But now the only change is that I no more play doll doll with my sister, instead I teach her cricket. And I have stopped growing long hair. So no point of anyone touching my hair and thank god I shop my clothes on my own and let no one ever bother in that.

For a change want to make it a small post and would like to end it here. cya, and yeah keep waiting for my next blog post

~The World So Selfish*

Sometimes I feel that wish there was someone with whom I can share my feelings, someone with whom I can share my joy, my sadness and in short everything. Sometimes I feel wish I could simply fly away from here and be left all alone, where I had no one to bother me ever. Wish things could work the way I want them to. A place where, there are no limitations, no boundations, no assumotions and no presumption. A whole new world of my own. A world where I have no worries, no tension, no fear, no pressure from anyone.

If only such a place ever exists.

I have always been away from home. At the age of seven, I was sent to a hostel, a place where everyone was new to me. I could'nt understand what they spoke. The food they ate was something different and they called it Idly, vada and sambhar. I was away from home for 10 years. And in these 10 years I made a new family of my own, My friends. They were everything for me, they were always more than a family to me. My world would have started with my friend and also th end was them.

At the age of 17 when I returned home, I was astounded by the world around me. It was not like the one I had thought it to be. Everything was so unusual in itself. I found many things so amazing. When I saw a guy wearing a jeans which was torn from the knee, I would laugh at him, and when I saw a people going mad in love, found it really wierd. Ohh come on it happens just in the movies or in novels. But I was witnessing everything from my eyes.

But amidst all this I was searching for a friend, a true friend.

But to be very frank, all of them were so self centred, so selfish, never bothered about anyone else. Its just them them and them. I found this world to be so ugly, where no one ever bothers to help a dying man, just because they have thier own work. And who cares if one person dies. It hardly matters. If there is a terrorist attack, for many of us its just a hot new masala which the new channels are going to show the entire day so people get their pop corn buckets and sit in front of the screen to watch the entire show.





There are just two ways to live a life:


1)Carry the "who cares" attitude and live as you have been or,


2) Take up control and see to it that things are being done the proper way.





Don't be shocked but most of us fall under the category 1. We always wait for things to happen. Or many a times feel that someone else will do the work, so relax and sit and what if the other guys also thinks the same. The result is no one does the work and it is left incomplete.





In this world of ours their is no place for a word called feelings. You tend to care for someone, but the other person, hardly bothers to even look at you and at the end you are the foolish guy standing in the middle.





Sometime back I too was this foolish guy who used to care for people, but how would you feel if the other person never reciprocate the same back to you. It feels bad. It feel as if you are unwanted. So had no other option to stop caring, thats it. I was thsi fool who used to keep thinking that friendship is everything in life and that was just because I was brought up in such a environment, where we tend to give friendship the maximum importance, but I was wrong this time again.





Who cares man! when was the last time any of my friend did remember me. I thought everyone is busy in thier life and it did'nt bother much, but my birthday came and went, and still I my cell phone did'nt ring. I always used to be the 1st to wish all of my friends on their birthday's but now when anyone hardly remember's me, then why should I keep going on and on.





I always had one thing to talk about and that was My friends, actually our group was really an awesome group, where everyone was a best of best friend on their own. Any issue and everyone is there. But today......





This world is so selfish, when the need comes, they too come else, hardly remember anyone ever remembering me.





Anyways no need cribbing on the this anymore. Its going to be of no use. So why waste my time and my brain on this.





Would like to end it by saying that: I want to be a greedy, selfish bastard. I want the fact that I existed to mean something.


cya for now.

She loves me!

My head bent down. I looked down at the concrete floor.

One big fat tear fell on my blue shirt and it blotted to make it a shade more darker. A blue to a dark blue.

I tried my level best not to cry, tried to bite my toungue to stop it. But as if rebelling, they came bigger and stronger. The more I tried, the more harder they came. Tears came banging out.

I tried to keep inhaling the air, as my throat had gone dry within seconds. I ran my tongue over my lips . But everything had gone dry.

It was something like this. The more you try to avoid something, the more it gets back to you.

A hundred million voices inside my head banging. As if the entire Indian army marching inside my head. The drums beating louded and louder. Nothing could have equaled a bomb blast that was going on in my head.

Altogether I went back in time. I was in my 5th standards...7th standard,....got my first crush....was in my college....grew taller, sharper and smarter, more sensitive, more responsible and on top of all this I grew mature by now.

But she was the same.

very judgmental,

Head strong,

Decisive about one's life,

Uncaring,

Irresponsible,

Immature,

She was still the same.

Everything in front of my eyes started to get blurry. My eyes by now were floating in the pool of tears. The tears started to role down my cheeks and right on the ground.

You say that my attitude, behaviour hurts you. I say your be behaviour hurts me. You do thhings without even thinking of me even once. You have changed a lot. And this change is for "no good". It hurts.

And these words were out of my mouth, even before I got to know what I was speaking. I was saying things unknowingly. But what ever I said was true and true to the core.

Next moment there was dead silence. No one spoke anything. Everything around came to a stand still. Even the breeze had by now stopped. Standing amidst the crowd but feeling as if no one is around. Not a single whisper from anyone around. Life was at a pause.

Your behaviour hurts , but I never say it.

Pause.

Because I don't like to and because I love you.

The voice had by now started coming. Was gaining the momentum to speak. But tried hard to control and not to speak, because every single word was capable of bringing down thousands of tears which I really did'nt want it to happen. I was by now learning not to do things in haste.

And still you said that I din't love her.

That I never cared for her.

How could she say such a thing.

My ears were burning as I was listening to all this but tears kept rolling.

In my head was going on the best times we had together.

But tears kept coming.

Tried wiping the tears but the pool of tears never got cleared.

Sat next to her and by now all the dams had broken loose and I was crying.

I'm sorry

I put my arm around her and her head rested on my shoulder and she cried as again she too said a sorry.

It felt good

It felt safe and secure.

It felt as if inspite of all my faults and inspite of me hurting her knowingly or unknowingly, but she still loves me.

Yes. She love me.

Happy Friendship Day !!!

Happy friendship day! A hug to all on this friendship day, and may our friendship grow leaps and bounds.

I am sure you did'nt expect to get a 'gift' from me today and definitely not a blog post. But then , its the best I have to offer. What else can I give you? I don't work to earn. hee hee....

The first time I heard that along with Diwali and Holi, we celebrate even friendship day, I was stunned. For a moment all was lost to me and I was lost in nothing. And then I was smiling ear to ear and was jumping from one place to the another. Iwas happy. Till my higher secondary I had no idea about what is friendship day and what is valentines day. These extra knowledge was gained when I was in my 11th std in dehradun.

It was quite an unusual day in itself. The guys were trying to look at thier best and so were the girls. Some of the guys had even brought gifts and I saw many of them getting gifts and found it to be a day on its own. But admist all this I was feeling low, sad and bad. As I was new to the place hardly had any friends, so no chance of recieving any gifts and the idea of gifting was so wierd. But still I guess was enjoying the moment.

Friendship Day is just another reason to spend time with friends. If given a choice, I’m sure each and every one of us would love to spend their time always with friends. There are so many things what one can say about one's friend, and here the case is,who cares if we are right or wrong, what matters the most is that we are with our frens. And the best things about a friend is that you won't even mind calling them up at uneven hours, yes they will shout, scream at you for waking them up, but at the end they are always there by your side.

Best friends are those who read you even before you understand whats wrong with you. I fortunately have one such friend, Anil. This guy understands me totally. I never have to even open my mouth and tell him anything, instead before that he tells me whats going on in my mind. Many a times I felt as if he uses telepathy, but guess thats what a best friend is like. Once what happend was, I reached college, and from the morning itself my mood was off. It was like this, before we actually going to the college we guys used to meet and used to all go together to the college. But instead that day I did'nt wait for anyone and some time later when everyone had come they were surprized to see me seated in the class.

"Hey aki whats wrong with you? Did'nt even wait for us" Anil said.

"Nothing as such, now please don't disturb me, and let me concentrate on whats going on in the class." I replied back

Ok!! So who's that girl? Where did you go last evening? Did she dump you or fought with her? or did that girls boyfriend happened to see you and black eyes?

And for the next 5 mins anil went on and on, as in giving tips how to safely handle girls and never fight over the issue and also about not taking the girls to thier favourite restaurant, as many times the girls boyfriend comes up thier in search.

And you wont believe the next moment I was laughing and laughing laud, that was asked to leave from the class, but to my surprize anil too followed me , or you can say came out to give me some company.

"So which of the above was the reason for your mood being so dull?" Anil enquired.

"Was out with preeti, yeah her boyfriend happend to see me but luckily I escaped, but later in the night preeti called up to tell that it cannot work anymore so....." I explained.

I just told him one thing" buddy how do you manage to know everything about me? and he replied back saying, this is how best buddies are. rite? I had no words after that.

Would like to sum it up saying: Friendship is what no other relationship can ever hope to be. Its the best relation god has ever made. It is the most important ingredient in this recipe of life.

I would like to Thank all my friends by this small piece of write up, which I had seen some where and it caught my attention.

You're my friend because you're always there,

If there's sadness around or in the air,

At night, in the morning or anytime of day,

You're there to cheer me up and chase the sadness away.

I just want to thank you for all you've done,

You've helped me through a lot, you're really number one.

Thanks for all the good times that we share,

It shows that you're one who really does care.

Thanks for being there when time got rough,

You make it easier when times get too tough.

Thanks for being there each and every day,

Thanks for being you in that very special way.

A Cup of Coffee

Just about an hour ago, I was this very ordinary guy, sitting in the canteen and eyeing some good looking girls (endangered species) as they came in and went out, and now am sitting at Cafe coffee day (a lot can happen over an cup of coffee). And was waiting for Komal.



Recap: We met, became friends and lost touch but were again in touch. (Courtesy; A mutual friend and my efforts)



As Komal was busy with her work and I was busy with mine, so we did'nt contact each other. But admist all this I was deeply and madly in love with her.



But the question was, why was I sitting in cafe coffee day and waiting for her?



Reason: Unknown (atleast till now)



Actually had received a SmS from komal. (Note, She still had my number.) And I still tried to figure it out as to who's number it was (Note, I did'nt have her number). It may be of no importance, but it really meant a lot to me. Because according to me, if you aren't there in my phone means you are virtually dead.



The Message read "hey gotch tel ya sumthin" so be der at the cafe at 5pm. I'll be waitin for ya".



From then on there was something which started to happen and my stomach went for a toss (It generally happens during exams). Was wondering what was such that she wanted to tell me.



Actually you will not believe but I had waited for this day for quite a long. A coffee with Komal. And at the same time had no idea how am I going to handle the talks. Had nothing in mind.



But anyways I replied back "Kewl, will be there much before time and will not have you wait at all".



Komal replied back "Good to get your reply!! cya at cafe then.bye



Time 5pm. Both of us were seated at the corner most table in the cafe. Was nervous but had lot to speak.



"You have'nt changed a bit" I said.



Although she had actually changed a lot. From the girl I loved deeply and madly to a person whom I hate very much. Don't want to use the word hate. It is a very strong word, but still that one message had transported me back from time.



"But you have changed a lot aki" Komal said.



"Let me assure you I have'nt changed a bit." I said



Then where is that smile gone akash. The one you used to caryy always, flashing you cute bunny teeth. She said. And I listening to this made an herculean attempt to smile anyways.



Anyways how's your college going on? Last year right?



Yeah!!!! I said.



And you are planning an MBA I guess...a talented chap like you is what the business world needs these days. Komal said.



And I was wondering, why was I attending this lecture so boring. As if I don't know all this. This is what I keep hearing from my parents daily at home.



Yes I said, although thinking of re-considering my decision and want to work instead, or may be as an editor or so.



Ahaa!! That reminds me, happened to see you blog's. Must say an awesome work. You write really well. Komal said



Thanks I said, as our order just came, and Komal eagerly took a sip of the coffee.



Aahhh!! She exclaimed.



I immediately went forward to wipe her mouth with the tissue but she moved back and instead took the tissue and wiped it herself. It was an awkward moment though, but I don't know why, but I was smiling at this.



And I told her, "komal you are still the same-- Careless"



She kept quite.



So did I. And this silence prevailed, although many a times she said something which I did'nt respond to.



Aakash please talk to me



And my spoon feel down, right into the coffee, spilling drops of hot coffee around.



Oh God! Am so sorry....I said.



She dint bother what I did or said, and instead repeated the same thing, "Akash please talk to me"



I am talking to you komal!!! I almost shouted.



Pause...Long Pause



So why have you come to meet me here. Now I had come to the point.



Wanted to talk to you. She said



Talk to me! Regarding what? You never wanted to be my friend, then why today all of sudden. I left you then but why this drama all over again. And before I could conclude even, could see her eyes almost wet with tears. I now waited for her to compose.



She took a deep breath and started " Frankly I don't know from where do I start. I have always imagined this moment, and that now it is here, want to tell you everything before I leave this city, as my dad has got a transfer and we will be shifting this weekends to surat".



I always knew that you had feelings for me right from the day one when we met at the gupta coaching classes. Even when I was away, ie; when I had left Gupta coaching during our chat could easily make out that you had some feelings for me but you were always trying to hide. You tried your level best not to show, but good or bad I saw. And I don't know why but I started avoding you for no reason. You must have thought that I am trying to show some sort of attitude, but the reality is .....she took a deep breath.....I was afraid of the making a choice. I was afraid of taking an action, was afraid of taking a decision, and yes now I regret it.



I was stunned at this. And that was the moment I wanted to capture. I just wanted to go and give her a huge hug. I felt so many things at the same time. Was she trying to say that she loved me too? Actually repeating it to myself made me feel embarresed.



By now komal was crying, tears were rolling down her eyes. Both of us felt, what if we would have been a bit more mature and had the courage to come up and say what we actually felt. We had been deprived of each other.



I know it's no use saying all this now, but I could'nt do justice if I had'nt told you. So if by any chance please forgive me.



But how could I blame komal for anything.Was she really wrong. I guess had just come to know what the word fate means. But i guess I had to say something.



So quietly said"It's ok".



I don't know what happened to me, but just like that I got up and went forward and hugged her. And said, wish you could have said it earlier, I would have been the most happiest person on this earth. But FATE is something which we can never change.



And She just said one word "I"m Sorry"!!!!

cool

"hey that's cool"!!! sharad said as he literally swalloed in the pizza.

Seriously did'nt understand what he actually meant by that and instead a new question evoked in me. What does this word Cool mean? I have heard quite a lot of people use this word. So what makes them say that the Hot pizza is cool?

See I am a very simple kind of a guy, and if anyone says "cool" to me, I would infer mundane meanings, such as cool drinks, cool down (as in your anger).

But the question was from where did this word fit in, in this conversation? And what was Sharad actually trying to convey.

My zeal by now had crossed all limits and felt it a bit frustating, thinking of the same cool drink again and again, which at that point of time I could'nt afford.

"What do you actually mean by this word cool"? I asked

Wait!!! he said and went and bought bottle of cool drink, which I had been eyeing from the last 10 minutes.

"See the shirt I am wearing is so cool and the one you are wearing is an OK types and yeah not so cool" Sharad said.

I immediatly went forward to feel the quality of cloth he was wearing and consequently touched mine. Sharad how can you say that? Infact I am wearing a shirt which is so thin and infact am already feeling cold out here and still you tend to say that it is not cool.

Ufff!!! Akash!!!! I did not mean it in the literal sense. COOL is a breath of fresh air...like you know everything is cliched and hyped and you see something original and unique,its cool. The things we do everyday are sort of boring but in that boring mundane work you try to do something unique that's cool, one tries to do something which is very attractive in order to catch someone's attention that's cool, you find something very flashy and attractive that's cool. And sharad went on and on, and I was busy sipping my COOL drink.

Once was back home, sat down and thought why not write a blog on this COOL topic. So here I am. NOTE: This is all I had inferred from what sharad had just told me sometime back, and its no creative invention of mine.

Cool: Sometimes spelled as kewl by people who want to sound cooler than thier peers.
Cool is characterized by an appreciation of beauty or good taste of attitude, behaviour, mein, appearance and style. Because of the varied and changing connotations of cool, as well its subjective nature, the word has no single meaning. The various meaning I have come out with are:-

Meaning 1) Cool is an over used slang (next to sexy) for meaning "ooh this is something I really like about something/somebody!!!" Its a way of appreciating what you think someone has in/on/with them that you so want too!!!
Its a superlative degree form of nicest :)

Meaning 2) Afirmation. Like in... : "hey i'll see you in the eve", reply: "cool"

Meaning 3) Gender basis. Girls are hot,boys are cool. (Acc to guys).

Meaning 4) Anythin fashionable and popular among youth. Aamir khan's new hairstyle is so cool(so in).

Meaning 5) Literally pleasant and enjoyables much as it may sound cliched: "hey weathers so cool!!"

Every generation feels that cool is something that is known only to them, that it was founded in their time by them. what is seen as cool will change from time to time, from place to place and from generation to generation. How true!!!

My grandfather still considers Dev anand as the coolest movie star, but whereas I say No its Shah rukh who is the coolest. And we generally debate on this.

Cool has many definitions and is used in many ways. So without further debating on what cool and what not so cool. would like to wrap it up for now by saying,"keep watching this space for more kewl topics and kewl posts, and yeah last but not the least, would be highly obliged if you leave any kewl comment on this kewl topic".


(Speacial thanks to parul for helping me writing this post and how could I miss out the wikipedia,from where I could get some good points).

THANK YOU!!!!

Its been really long since I last published my blog. Anyways it hardly matters as am the only person who reads this blog page. But I still love it.

Actually there are some people who have always been a source of inspiration to me and thus am still writing the blogs. So would love to thank some of my near and dear friends coz of whom I am still in here.

Now it has been 4 months that am on bloggers.com and with some 100 visitors to my earlier blog and a handful to this blog too, so a few people do deserve a thank from me.

First and foremost to my dear dear friend Hriday, it coz of him that am here on bloggers.com. He inspired me to write. Thank you dear...you are more than a friend to me now...hey dont raise your eyebrows,,,i love girls :D

Thanks to my friends and peers who have always been a source of inspiration and also the content of my blog!!!

Would like to thank Parul, Surbhi, Mrinzy and Manoj too, as they are always the first one's to read my blog and also give a reply if any correction can be made in order to improve my blog. Infact manoj was the guy who earlier suggested two of the titles for my blog. And yeah the post THE NITE SHIFT is actually dedicated to him only, as he being the originator of the virus called the NITE shift

Thanks to all my readers....Muah!!!!!!

Thanks to all those guy who did'nt like my style of writing/writing style....get some life dude!!! Now I have got my own bucha reader and fan following. :D

And thanks to orkut, google and yeah how can i forget Bill gates!!!! A bigggg thaks to that guy.for all the obvious reason :D

Aakash make a confession

Ok. So something was gonna happen. And Yeah I was prepared for it; or something which I thought.

And It was the moment I realized I was falling heads over heal over for my friend all over again. And I also realized that she was or probably never be interested in me, and yeah al over again.
But I still tried my level best to play it cool….”Try and take it in a sporting way.” Just be happy for her. Ask her about the guy without feeling jealous or left out. Smile and yeah mean it too…ACT MATURE!!

But the main problem with acting mature is that at the end we land up just ‘acting’ mature…and probably you still aren’t mature enough to handle the situation.

I just wanted to convince myself …or tried to; that I am a ‘nice’ guy…..good looking and many such things…and that I am worth someone better and smarter….that I am not her kindaa guy,, but that doesn’t mean am not gonna have a gal or such thing…. For the almost 100th time in my life I tried to get over…but over what?? Actually I also don’t know over what….as we weren’t going around or stuff. So Cant call it a heartbreak too…..Anyways whatever it was , I was trying to get over it…..I still hav no idea regarding this….maybe was trying to hide the fact that am the only guy among my group of frens who doesn’t hav any gal fren. trying to get over the unwanted kind off feeling….trying to get over the feeling that am not being reciprocated ….like always I just tried to convince myself and yeah said good good things about myself to me….things that were supposed to cheer me up or were supposed to gimme a boost….I tried to talk to myself….I tried to argue with aakash, Why is it so important for me that a gal should like me or fall for me or whateva? And many such things kept going on n on in my head….

It went on n on….I was just trying to look at the sunlight of things, if there were any…and yeah also tried to act mature…

And then a point came…I just kept a halt at things in my head

You know wat? No matter what you do or say…..it SUCKS…and sucks a big time.
It sucks to be the only guy in the group of friend to be single…It sucks to always fall for gals, who don’t like you…and the gals just say word like you are such a sweet fren anyone can have. Or you derserve someone better than her…If I have all these qualities, then why not you dear? Am I so bad a guy….It sucks when gals think of you as a kidoo…just coz you are frank and speak whatever is there on your mind, and hardly give a damn to what people have to think about what you said….It sucks big-time. It really does actually. Poor chap…am fed up of this…and really no idea as what to do. AM fed up of the voice at the back of my head constantly reminding me of the number of calories am losing daily. Am fed up of going to the college to look at the guys who are dudes in the look, but are pathetic people inside. and are always surrounded by gals because they act chewwttt on the face, but who knows the reality. The duh huh guys!!!! … Am fed up of going around with guys who have nothing apart from their gals to talk about…It’s a shame….that people these days judge you by the people you hang out with, the number of galfrens you have, whether you go to the pub or not, or if you love partying late nite. Am fed up of going for romantic muvee’s where we have the hero kiss the heroine at the end and we just wistfully watching it. I’m fed up of trying to be someone am not. Yeah I don’t wear sexy outfits, nor do I prefer the latest gadgets and yeah I don’t have an tattoo too, and I have never had a girl-friend and I have never kissed or never been kissed…..SO WHAT???

One tries to be cool…then you have people accept you in their groups, and at the end you don’t succeed….then what….at the end of the day, it you and just you sitting with yourself and your tears to give you company….and at the depth of your heart you know its not worth crying…coz you know, you are always better off such people… and that its not gonna be the end of the world….but it the world we are living in…It’s the world I am living in. It’s the world where I am an individual….am alone in the crowd. It’s the world that is all ready to suck you to the core, but it’s the REAL world….and my comfort lies in the sentence which I read somewhere…..

Life is a dream… I will wake up when I die…

The Night Shift

I have been noticing that my past few blogs have been somewhat depressing and are just focussed towards me, so I have decided to write a new blog titled "the NIGHT shift".

nah nah, please do not confuse yourself. We don't work in some call centre or any BPO sector.

This is all about me and my frens, because for us the day begins when everyone's day ends.

Normal people have their breakfast at 9 or at the max at 10, we have 3 or 4 in the afternoon. Our lunch time is normally at 8. That is the time we get to move out after the sumptuous dosa and idly. And now I leave this open for you to imagine at what time we have our dinner.

BACKGROUND NOTE:- Originator - Manoj.
Reason - Deeply in love.
Virus 1st noticed - September 2007.
True follwer - Aakash.


I live in an apartment along with 4 more guys along and all are some unusual character in their own.

At 1'o clock when half the world is asleep, I get a buzz on my G talk, "Ghoomne chalega". And my reaction is so impulsive, "ok boss lets move".

The night shift starts usually after 9'o clock when we guys return back to our apartment ie; after having our so called lunch. And our point of meeting is the terrace. The best place in our building. We chat all nonsense, but yeah at that point of time it sounds as if the most important thing in the world. For example, that girl ditched me yet once again. Right now it might sound a bit funny, but if that point of time any one would have told us this, we would have cracked his ass right a way.


If I go on this way, my Blog will never come to an end, so have decided to write about each guy and the activity they are all involved in.

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Mayank:- God knows when does his night start?? He is half the time busy with his friends, ie; bhole, tathagath, and is lost in his own world of SPSS. and the other half of the time he is on the fone. God knows with whom. He is actually my true bhai or call it the FILTER bhai. And you must have guessed the reason right a way. Rite?

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Rajesh:- The philosopher, the expert comment, the chiku star of our apartment. He is so obsessed with CHIKU, that he ask's another guy to give him company so that he can have his favourite chiku juice, (NOTE:::The time is 2 in the night). This guy gets involved in just two things, firstly his G talk chats over the headfone, actually this is his new found love, ie; to chat over g talk. God this guy can really chat and yeah chat for hours n hours. Earlier I used to think that am the master of the chat world, then I met Rajesh. The second thing in which he is involved is his sher-o-shayari. He can never complete any sentence without his sher-o-shayari. And after he is done with his work, ie; chatting over the headfone on g talk he walks up to the terrace, so that he can deliver a few of his sher-o-shayari to us.

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Mrinmoy:- Was at one point of the time considered a robot, who had his time fixed for everything. to sleep, to get up, to study, to bath and yeah to shit too. "Hey you guys stepping out for tea"?? God it was the most shocking question for us, the reason for this is, that this guy never stayed awake even during exam's and now he was awake till 4 in the morning. Now his situation is such that, he never gets sleep before 3 or 4 in the night. Really the night shift virus has caught up. If I start to chat with him, can go on & on for hours together.
It was some days back, that both of us were getting bored, so as usual decided to sit on the terrace, atleast some fresh cool air would relax us a bit. We guys started to chat, yeah the same old topic luck-love-life-etc. And the next time we saw the time it was half past 2. And it was then we realized that we had forgot to have our dinner.

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Aakash (ME)- I am the most vella kindaa banda in our apartment, who in general is fed up with his life. I have even started hating the mid-night chats. (Can you imagine that!!!) And now am the only jobless guy around,(reason NO GALFREN) so it is assumed that if anyone wants to have timepass can sit with me, and yeah being a big chatter box(at tyms) can really chat. My night shift is pretty chill. My start is something like this, "hey hiii,,, how are youuuu,,,,ok just hold on," and then i hear another voice on my cell, then i realize that we guys on conferencing. Ohh forgot to mention about the guys whom I'm busy with on the conferencing. It's Me, Surbhi and Hriday. God these both have sooooo much to talk always, and I can never stop laughing, when Hriday starts to speak. And once am done with my calling process, then again as usual am a vella. I usually don't involve in discussion if it is related to studies, but if the discussion is about Shah rukh, I'll be the only guy speaking and the rest generally try to keep shut.
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Manoj (the ORIGINATOR) :- He is the person who had this habit of staying awake till late, sometimes I really wonder, was this guy some chaukidaar, who never gets sleep in the night. But see him during the day. He with his big mouth open will be sleeping as if he really has no worries about the world. Let what happen he never gets up till it atleast 3 in the noon. What he is upto has really been a mystery. These days he is busy with his girl on the fone and if not fone, it will be the chats. God what do they talk. Even I wanna know. Sometimes it looks as if he is waiting for the clock to strike 4 so that we guys can step out for tea or coffee, because as soon as the clock strikes 4, i get a call from asking to get ready so that we can leave. He is the most weirdest character among us. His taste are simply awesome, wait will give you a hint about his taste. He loves shanti super. Got it. The problem with manoj is that, he is an experienced guy and has sooooo much to talk always. And his gyaan ranging from sex to sensex. He is a master in all.

Now the time is 4 in the morning:- We guys start to move out of our apartment. We meet many people on our way to the tea shop. We everyday encounter a DOG. Never knew chennai dogs are so afraid. I just whistle and they clear the route. Earlier the dog used to bark when he used to see us coming, but now I guess he is used to and hardly cares to even see us.
The next person we meet is the Sify wale uncle", actually he into the business of diary products along with his sify internet cafe, so he has to be awake in order to take delivery.
"Don't you guys ever sleep?" Uncle asked,
Actually no college these days so....... manoj replied.
Anyways good to see such faces in the morning, Uncle told us (now god knows was it a comment or compliment).

The chotu of the tea shop has become such a great fan of us fellows, that if one day any fellow is missing, he gets a sad expresion on his face.

Once it so happend that, manoj was busy with his chats so much that he never got time to accompany us for the tea. And this continued for 3 days.

After 3 days, chotu, ie; the tea shop guy asked me where is that fellow?
we asked him whom was he talking about?
And he tells us that priety zinta spec fellow, and we guys were all laughing and later promised him that we will get manoj along.

Having our tea, we guys discuss about almost everything we have in our head. From gals to the corporate culture to be followed. Everything means Everything.

Actually even the idea of writing this blog originated at the coffee shop, and earlier the titles suggested to this blog were Surya bhagwan ko namaskar, The mid nite call.But I personally loved the NIGHT shift. so Its here.

Actually the time is already 4 so I guess I should also make a move as the other guys are waiting for me downstairs. bbyeee.....see you soon in my next blog. Happy waiting till then.

Live Life to the Max

There comes a point in your life when you realise " who matters, who never did, who wont anymore and who always will...

So don't worry about people from your past.. there's a reason they didnt make it to your future!

"Never let ur past decide ur future"

I know it feels really really bad when people leave you and go...but still you have got to learn and even you got to move on.

"Life's all about heart-breaks and sadness"....but if you try looking beyond that you'll find a lot of happiness and you'll find loved ones who really do care about u and appreciate you for wat you are!!

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will.

You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts.

You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt.

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances.

"you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts."

Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back".....

Spotless gray sky

I looked at the trees, the lawn, the grass and the sky. I kept staring out of the window at a distance. Above the sound of the rain, I could hear my mom fry pakoras in the kitchen, the sizzle went louder and louder with every set of pakoras as the oil got hotter and hotter. The first rain of the year. A heavy downpour. The kind that wets the entire earth within seconds. Suddenly the strong wind threw a few drops of water on my face. I blinked and took a deep breath. I turned around and looked inside our house from the verandah. I could see my grandpa sitting in the hanging bag, pretending to read the newspaper, but actually was fast asleep. I made sure mom was still in the kitchen, listening to the old old Hindi songs playing on the radio. I slipped my feet into my slippers and quietly stepped out of the house.



I walked slowly and heavily on the mud path that was carved out around our garden cum lawn. I stopped at the place where we had to enter into the garden. I looked at my feet, at the slippers and then at the grass. I removed my slippers and stepped on the grass. I walked slowly as I felt the grass beneath my feet. By now my clothes were getting stuck to me.Means I was fully wet, and wet to the core. I was fully wet in the first rain of the year.



I looked up at the sky. It was a uniform grey. Spotless. Plain. But not dull in any way. I stared at the sky, unblinking. I felt the drops of rain, sharp as razor; hit my face, my eyes, my cheeks. I stood there, looking at the sky.



Somewhere I could hear someone calling out to me. I ignored.



I lifted my hand and ran it over my face. Slowly I could feel this energy build up in me. My breath grew stronger, heavier. The only thing which I wanted to do is to shout out at the top of my voice. But before I could do that, I had people stare at me, the people looked at me as if some mad trying out his stupid stunt, and that really embarresed me. But I just kneeled down, spread my arms wide open, looked at the Spotless grey sky and just wished, I wish could really shout once. But still WHAT AN LIBERATION IT IS!!!!!

What a joy!!!!

Suddenly everyone was out of their houses. They were all staring at me, wondering if I had lost my mind. Mom was standing in the verandah of our house with grandpa, just hoping I was fine. I looked at them. I looked at the people who were staring at me. walked out of our garden onto the street and looked up at the sky again. And walked back into the house, fully drenched in the rain.

But I wish I could just do what I wanted and had no one to really bother me. But no I had many, but even could'nt help that too. That's the problem we face every now and then, when we are kids, we have our parents, who keep telling us what to do, and what not to do, once we are married, we will have many other responsibilties, and again that time also we cannot do what we really aspire to do, and at the end , again when we are old, we cannot do what we want, because our children may not like it. So the answer really remains unanswered.

When are we going to live the way we want to??? WHEN??? WHEN??? WHEN???