So this is how Indian mothers’ brains functioned.
Although it wasn't surprising. I knew it already___ the functioning of individuals belonging to this dangerous and seemingly unrealistic category. So where’s the catch?
I didn't know my mother belonged to this category.
Yeah… what was I thinking? Sigh…
I had just been talking to my friend S___ no no, hold it; at least I can save her the embarrassment, right? Let’s call her… ummm… ok, yes. Let’s call her Lily. So I had been just talking to my friend Lily, for over 20 minutes now. In case you are wondering, let me tell you, this isn't long. We had recently gotten into the nightly ritual of calling each other up, and talking till all the lights in the neighborhood went out one by one. (Yeah, even the one in the ‘newly-married-and-still-in-marital-bliss’ couple’s house.) I got off the phone and came out into the drawing room to have a glass of water before I went off to meet Katy Perry and do things… of course in my dreams, what did you think? And there was mom, playing solitaire on the computer; waiting for Gauri to come back home.
‘Who was it?’ she asked.
‘Lily,’ I replied nonchalantly.
‘How is she doing?’ she asked.
‘Fine,’ I said, and sat down on the sofa. Yes, it was eleven-thirty; and yes, I had to wake up for work next day morning at eight; but Mom looked like she could use some company.
Pause.
Long pause.
Maybe she didn't need the company after all. It was just a passing comment. I made to get up and leave.
‘How old is she you said?’
‘What?’ I asked, a bit lost.
‘Lily. How old is she?’
‘I don’t know… maybe 25-26.’ Ok yes. This girl was my best friend. But we never discussed trivial things like age… we had a lot of other worldly things to talk about, right? But just then I began wondering… really how old was she? I didn't know the age of a girl who was the only other person besides my old-world friends (that is, my friends from college) whom I’d told about my ex-girlfriend. And soon the questions just kept coming… What was her favorite color? What was her favorite food? What was her best-friends name? And they gave me enough substance to talk about the next time we talked, which is to say, tomorrow night.
‘What has she studied?’
‘Sorry?’
‘Honestly, are you awake, or have you walked till here in your sleep?’
‘No, I am awake. I was just thinking.’
‘About Lily?’
‘Yes. I mean no. I mean… anyway, what were you asking?’ I said, shaking my head, and looking at mom’s face in profile. And just then I saw something___ something that sent my sleep to the dogs
Mom was smiling.
Ok, she was smiling… again; so where is the catch?
She was smiling coy.
Oh God !
She was smiling in an ‘aw-look-at-my-son-all-grown-up-and-falling-in-love’ way. God! Help! SOS! Was I witnessing proof to the existence of the kind of dangerous and seemingly unrealistic category I previously talked about? Or more so proof to the fact that my Mom belonged to this category?
I imagined a thousand ways in which things could have proceeded after my phone call with Lily, had I not felt like my life depended on that glass of water I just had to have before I met Katy. (Oh, I told you, Katy Perry.)
a) I get off the phone and come to the drawing room to drink water. Mom is playing solitaire on the computer. I say ‘Good-night’, walk back to my room and sleep.
b) I get off the phone and come to the drawing room. Mom is fast asleep in her room. I hear her snore. I walk back to my room and sleep.
c) I get off the phone. I get into the bed and sleep.
But no. I had to come out. I had to come out; I had to sit to give Mom some company while she waited for dad to come, and I SIMPLY HAD TO get myself into this situation. Why couldn't Gauri be on time for once?
‘What has she studied?’ Mom repeated. But this time, I heard her alright. I was now red-alert; antennas going round in wild circles.
‘MBA Finance.’ I answered.
‘Where does she work?’
GOD NO! PLEASE HELP ME!
‘Citi Group.’
By now I was trying to remember the last time I had prayed. My mind went back to when I was in school. Suddenly I was chanting ‘Lead Kindly Light’ in my head.
‘Is she alone?’
‘No, he has a younger brother. He is doing Engineering, first year.’ I provided mom with all the details even before she asked me. That’s what happens to me when I panic. People freeze; people go weak in the knees; I resort to non-stop, and often nonsensical blabbering.
And then came the final blow.
‘Has she thought of marriage?’
OH NO ! God.. Send help now !!.
Suddenly the sky darkened. Ok ya, it was already almost mid-night now, but I want to make this dramatic. So; suddenly the sky darkened, and I saw myself seated on an over-sized throne. I was wearing a tuxedo. Aargh. Aargh! Me? tuxedo, over size throne.These words weren't supposed to go together in one sentence; maybe atleast till I turned thirty. But that’s what I saw; me seated on an over-sized throne, wearing a tuxedo. And next to me was Lily, dressed in a red sari and looking beautiful.
Wait.
Did I just say beautiful? Yes, I did! Oh my God! Mom was passing it onto me now! Let me just give you Lily’s character sketch in one line: she is not the kind of girl I’d actually get the hots for, ever! But if I were thirty and if someone suggested her name as a possible suitor for me, I wouldn't have a good solid reason to say no.
Yes, she was looking beautiful. And there was her younger brother, standing next to her. And there were her parents, looking onto me, their handsome boy. And there were her friends, giving her thumbs-up every time she looked at them and secretly envying her. And there were my old-world friends, wondering if it was really Lily sitting next to me. And there was my Mom, dabbing here eyes every once in a while. And there was Dad at the door, welcoming the guests and they came with bouquets. Lily was leaning in to say something. Whatever it was she said made me get those little butterflies fly in my stomach.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I was back in the drawing room. Mom was still playing solitaire. ‘Mom, why are you doing this to me?’ I thought. But I could already see my doom. Career gone. Speed-dating plans ruined. And Katy! I just chose not to think about her.
‘I don’t know…’ I found myself saying. ‘we never talked about marriage!’
Pause.
‘But, why did you ask?’ I asked.
‘Your aunt Eva, she is looking for a match for David na… So I was just thinking. Maybe she could___’
But I wasn't listening anymore… Ah! There was still goodness in the world! God existed! I was alive! Hallelujah! Long live the King! Long live the Queen! Long live Mom!
I did a mini-jig inwardly. But I was careful enough not to show it. I got up, kissed mom goodnight, and walked back to my room. I went through my stuff and finally found my iPod. I switched it on, turned the volume full, scrolled through the playlist and pressed the play button.
My mom did NOT belong to the dangerous and seemingly unrealistic category...
It was time to celebrate.
