New Start.
Fresh beginnings.
Sound so tempting, don’t they?
But are they even possible?
I discovered the answer to that today – YES.
Because the change is not in the place, its buildings, its furniture, the people inhabiting it, the new faces that have invaded it or the old ones that have faded away.
It is not about the people who now suddenly seem too far away.
It is not about the change of attitude of your friends or peers or colleagues or subordinates or seniors; or a lack thereof.
It is never about ‘the without’.
It is always about ‘the within’.
And change ‘within’ can stem from anything and nothing.
A book.
A break-up.
A friend turned foe.
Discovering that you don’t really hate that friend anymore.
Realizing that you are living without something or someone – forget whether you could, should or would.
Doing away with your prejudices – even if only to replace them with new ones.
Or just getting off the wrong side of the bed someday.
Change comes to you when you are ready for it. It won’t come before that – no matter how hard you try or struggle. And it won’t fail to when it should – no matter where destiny puts you.
It is nice to know that the opinion of each and every person around you doesn’t really matter or bother you anymore. It is a relief to do away with peoples’ expectations from you – especially people who you had raised and put up on a rocket launhcer. It is never too late to come to realize who really matters in life, who shouldn’t and who never was a part of your world at all.
If you don’t love yourself, who will? How can you even expect someone else to love you when everyday you torture yourself, worry yourself sick about what unnecessary people think about you, give unfair importance to things that are not even sure to be with you in the next moment, burden yourself beyond capacity and reason with your own concepts of right and wrong, worthy and unworthy?
Everybody wakes up to that moment at some point of time, when they realize who’s in, who’s out, what’s more important than what and who they really want to be. What one should do is not shut their eyes and pretend to be asleep when one does truly wake up.
And when you have decided to do this, it is then... the change happens.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Karma
They say adhyatma, philosophy, spirituality is not everybody’s cup of tea, and that such knowledge comes to you only when you are ready for it, no matter how sincere your efforts, or how long your search.
I always find it amusing – how all these things work. All of us are in fact exposed to spiritual teachings ever since we are kids, but we are somehow not aware of them. Do good and forget. Tit for tat. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Karma kar, phal ki asha na kar. Only that we never look at them like that.
But what really amuses me is the way destiny works at large scale – at the level of masses and people of a country, or inhabitants of a city or state, or staff of companies. What is amusing to me is how destiny works during natural disasters, during plane-crashes. We are talking here of hundreds and thousands of people who all happened to be at a particular place and at a particular time. What is it that brought exactly these and no other people there?
Someone may have chosen to fill in for someone at office when the Twin Towers were blasted.
Someone may have dropped out of a family trip that ended up on the beach right when the tsunami hit the beach.
Someone may have missed a flight that went on to end up in a plane-crash.
Just how does destiny work in such situations?
Were all the people who suffered anything during such incidents due with their share of this life?
Or is it exactly that that they were destined for – to have witnessed an accident like that?
We all talk about karma and bhog, and destiny, and how we are constantly bound in the birth and death and rebirth cycle. But things like narrowly escaping a car-accident, or joining a company just weeks before it is going to be dissolved or taken over by some other, or even good things, like an exam getting cancelled right when you thought you were unprepared for it – maybe not the last one, but all the others are life-changing experiences. It takes only a moment to lose your faith, your confidence, all the money you ever earned in your life, or even all the respect – and also only a moment to get it all back sometimes. Moments can make and break people, relationships, and history.
And to think of it, all this is a big chain reaction, a catapult, a cumulative effect. Everything connected to every other thing, all fine-tuned and never without a reason.
I have again begun to write at least once a month and when I look back at how my year has been, it is amazing to know how every minute thing has played its role in bringing me to the point in life where I am right now – where I am thinking of taking up my writing more seriously and doing something about it. I was trying to get into some universities abroad for an executive course, but it didn’t work out for the silliest of reasons, then I didn’t get through at my second and third and fourth options, and finally had to settle for my last option. Then an entire year full of misunderstandings and miscommunications, fights, quarrels, discussions, consoling and counseling (more the latter than the former), then the ultra-depression mode, all that negativity around me… so many relations broken, so many friends lost, being failed and betrayed by so many people… and then emerging out of all this; like in the tail of the ugly duckling… emerging scratched and bruised, yes, but with better understanding of myself and of the people around me, of how the world is… and then suggestion slipped in by my best friend casually, (write about all this, let it come out of your system, in some form; why writing, cos you are good at it) and here I am, blogging all over again, writing all over again, happy all over again, but consciously aware of how deep the rabbit hole can go. One of my friends who is into palmistry and can also read faces said to me the other day – ‘You are soon going to change what you are doing in life now, and what you then become is going to be the best thing for you. It will change your life, and bring you name and fame.’ I don’t know about the latter, but yes, I have been thinking again about what it is that I want to do in life.
I used to worry myself sick as to why I couldn’t get into those universities abroad, and why did I make those silly mistakes. It is like, I could feel something was slipping out of my hands; like something had gone horribly wrong, just that I didn’t know what and why. And now when I look back at everything, I am glad I am not outside my country right now, working with a MNC bank and sleeping all day and working all night and it is pretty amazing, for yes, that is how I feel about it now – I feel like it is a task, a job. I just enjoy it … at least for the spare time I get for myself after work. And who knows, if this is what I am destined to be – a writer rather than a banker – then it makes perfect sense how everything went wrong and made me take up my last option, how all those people turned, how situations became the way they did. For each of these things has played a role no matter how small or how big, in making me think again.
It is one thing to have the capability or capacity to do something, and another to have the urge to do it. I can become an excellent lawyer. My uncle says I have all the makings of one – I have ‘all it takes’, in his words. That however, does NOT mean I take up law!
Yes I am someone who is seven out of ten times sure of what I want. But that also means that when I want to change, I want to change. And people should accept that change just as they accept my decisions.
But wait, I am drifting away from the topic!
Point is – everything happens for a reason. You get exactly that in life which you are destined for, and most of the times, it is what you deserve. In fact, it is almost always what you deserve, only we are not able to make out two plus two is four always. We have our grip so tight on the one ‘two’ in our hand that we fail to see the other ‘two’, which may well be lying right under your nose! We are delivered with exactly that what is meant for us – to each his own. Our share of this life is fixed, and who serves it to us, who become the instrument to deliver us, is fixed too. If I am to be betrayed by my most trustworthy friend, then that is what will happen. Only that will probably put me through a phase that will really change me into something that I ought to be. Just an acquaintance betraying me is not going to have the same effect, and so it won’t happen.
Why we act in a certain way in certain situations may not always be in our grasp. But nothing is without reason. Even co-incidence is nothing but merely the co-occurrence of two incidents…! It is rather fascinating to even try and understand how things take their natural course – for that is exactly what they do… take their natural course! So then what’s in our hands? To do good and forget. Maybe good things don’t always happen to good people – again a matter of destiny – but good always does beget good, and nothing bad will happen to you for a good deed you do.
I always find it amusing – how all these things work. All of us are in fact exposed to spiritual teachings ever since we are kids, but we are somehow not aware of them. Do good and forget. Tit for tat. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Karma kar, phal ki asha na kar. Only that we never look at them like that.
But what really amuses me is the way destiny works at large scale – at the level of masses and people of a country, or inhabitants of a city or state, or staff of companies. What is amusing to me is how destiny works during natural disasters, during plane-crashes. We are talking here of hundreds and thousands of people who all happened to be at a particular place and at a particular time. What is it that brought exactly these and no other people there?
Someone may have chosen to fill in for someone at office when the Twin Towers were blasted.
Someone may have dropped out of a family trip that ended up on the beach right when the tsunami hit the beach.
Someone may have missed a flight that went on to end up in a plane-crash.
Just how does destiny work in such situations?
Were all the people who suffered anything during such incidents due with their share of this life?
Or is it exactly that that they were destined for – to have witnessed an accident like that?
We all talk about karma and bhog, and destiny, and how we are constantly bound in the birth and death and rebirth cycle. But things like narrowly escaping a car-accident, or joining a company just weeks before it is going to be dissolved or taken over by some other, or even good things, like an exam getting cancelled right when you thought you were unprepared for it – maybe not the last one, but all the others are life-changing experiences. It takes only a moment to lose your faith, your confidence, all the money you ever earned in your life, or even all the respect – and also only a moment to get it all back sometimes. Moments can make and break people, relationships, and history.
And to think of it, all this is a big chain reaction, a catapult, a cumulative effect. Everything connected to every other thing, all fine-tuned and never without a reason.
I have again begun to write at least once a month and when I look back at how my year has been, it is amazing to know how every minute thing has played its role in bringing me to the point in life where I am right now – where I am thinking of taking up my writing more seriously and doing something about it. I was trying to get into some universities abroad for an executive course, but it didn’t work out for the silliest of reasons, then I didn’t get through at my second and third and fourth options, and finally had to settle for my last option. Then an entire year full of misunderstandings and miscommunications, fights, quarrels, discussions, consoling and counseling (more the latter than the former), then the ultra-depression mode, all that negativity around me… so many relations broken, so many friends lost, being failed and betrayed by so many people… and then emerging out of all this; like in the tail of the ugly duckling… emerging scratched and bruised, yes, but with better understanding of myself and of the people around me, of how the world is… and then suggestion slipped in by my best friend casually, (write about all this, let it come out of your system, in some form; why writing, cos you are good at it) and here I am, blogging all over again, writing all over again, happy all over again, but consciously aware of how deep the rabbit hole can go. One of my friends who is into palmistry and can also read faces said to me the other day – ‘You are soon going to change what you are doing in life now, and what you then become is going to be the best thing for you. It will change your life, and bring you name and fame.’ I don’t know about the latter, but yes, I have been thinking again about what it is that I want to do in life.
I used to worry myself sick as to why I couldn’t get into those universities abroad, and why did I make those silly mistakes. It is like, I could feel something was slipping out of my hands; like something had gone horribly wrong, just that I didn’t know what and why. And now when I look back at everything, I am glad I am not outside my country right now, working with a MNC bank and sleeping all day and working all night and it is pretty amazing, for yes, that is how I feel about it now – I feel like it is a task, a job. I just enjoy it … at least for the spare time I get for myself after work. And who knows, if this is what I am destined to be – a writer rather than a banker – then it makes perfect sense how everything went wrong and made me take up my last option, how all those people turned, how situations became the way they did. For each of these things has played a role no matter how small or how big, in making me think again.
It is one thing to have the capability or capacity to do something, and another to have the urge to do it. I can become an excellent lawyer. My uncle says I have all the makings of one – I have ‘all it takes’, in his words. That however, does NOT mean I take up law!
Yes I am someone who is seven out of ten times sure of what I want. But that also means that when I want to change, I want to change. And people should accept that change just as they accept my decisions.
But wait, I am drifting away from the topic!
Point is – everything happens for a reason. You get exactly that in life which you are destined for, and most of the times, it is what you deserve. In fact, it is almost always what you deserve, only we are not able to make out two plus two is four always. We have our grip so tight on the one ‘two’ in our hand that we fail to see the other ‘two’, which may well be lying right under your nose! We are delivered with exactly that what is meant for us – to each his own. Our share of this life is fixed, and who serves it to us, who become the instrument to deliver us, is fixed too. If I am to be betrayed by my most trustworthy friend, then that is what will happen. Only that will probably put me through a phase that will really change me into something that I ought to be. Just an acquaintance betraying me is not going to have the same effect, and so it won’t happen.
Why we act in a certain way in certain situations may not always be in our grasp. But nothing is without reason. Even co-incidence is nothing but merely the co-occurrence of two incidents…! It is rather fascinating to even try and understand how things take their natural course – for that is exactly what they do… take their natural course! So then what’s in our hands? To do good and forget. Maybe good things don’t always happen to good people – again a matter of destiny – but good always does beget good, and nothing bad will happen to you for a good deed you do.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The Facebook status
Seldom has it ever happened that some random quote I shared as a status on Facebook actually turned out to be true, so that when it happened today morning, I was quite bemused!
I had read this line somewhere before and I wanted to share this as my facebook status. : "It is only the young and stupid who are sure about sex and love. Do you think any of us know what were doing?"
But I wasn't and this stayed with me throughout the day, during dinner, It went to bed with me. When that happens, I usually get up, grab my cell phone in the dark (as I am too lazy to actually get off the bed and turn on the lights), and update the status message on my Facebook profile with whatever it is that has so obstinately stayed with me. And that is what I did last night...
I got up in the morning to go to work today. I had forgotten about the status update (as I had spent almost an hour and half talking to my friend after that, and the conversation was playing on in my mind). But on my way to work, I happened to pass by a local college. I saw this really young couple - 11th or 12th grade boy and girl. I am guessing I am not the only one - but I have this uncanny knack. One look at a boy and a girl, and I immediately know if they are just friends, lovers, or siblings. I just do! So the moment I saw these guys, I knew they were a couple. The boy was really good-looking. The girl quite ordinary. They were sitting on a parked two-wheeler, and I could tell it was a spanking new one. What happened within the next few seconds was this - the guy pulled out his cell phone, took the girl's arm and wrapped it around himself and clicked a self-portrait. Just as I passed them I heard the girl say "trouble" and the guy say "but we love". The girl had gone crimson in her cheeks and was mock hitting the guy.
The sight somehow made me smile... it reminded me of a time when I was their age. I was so sure about sex and love too! Just like that guy was sure that because he loved the girl, they were permitted to click a picture together. Our equations, fundas, concepts are so clear when we are young, isn't it? I remember myself from when I was their age... I thought I knew what love is, what marriage is, what a relationship is, what I want my girl to be; in fact, I didn't think I knew, I knew that I knew! I was so sure!
But you grow up, and all hell breaks loose. This whole thing we call 'experience' - it doesn't always do you good, does it? I don't think so. I mean, what good have a couple of heartbreaks done to me? Yeah, you will say "They have made you stronger", and all that bull. But what good is it to become as strong as a stone?
Sometimes it becomes difficult to keep faith. It becomes difficult to wait. Sometimes all you want is for time to freeze, so that you don't race into another heartbreak, so that you don't collide head-on into another disillusionment. And it need not necessarily be a happy time you want to freeze. Sometimes you are content with it just being neutral. Just no more 'happenings'... that's all. Is that too much to ask?
In the end the filter should be in our hands - which experiences we want to keep with us and take with us to the grave, and which ones we want to pass as 'bad teachers'... after all not every teacher we meet in life is a good one, for there sure is a great deal of difference between a knowledgeable person and a good teacher! Filter. That's all.
I had read this line somewhere before and I wanted to share this as my facebook status. : "It is only the young and stupid who are sure about sex and love. Do you think any of us know what were doing?"
But I wasn't and this stayed with me throughout the day, during dinner, It went to bed with me. When that happens, I usually get up, grab my cell phone in the dark (as I am too lazy to actually get off the bed and turn on the lights), and update the status message on my Facebook profile with whatever it is that has so obstinately stayed with me. And that is what I did last night...
I got up in the morning to go to work today. I had forgotten about the status update (as I had spent almost an hour and half talking to my friend after that, and the conversation was playing on in my mind). But on my way to work, I happened to pass by a local college. I saw this really young couple - 11th or 12th grade boy and girl. I am guessing I am not the only one - but I have this uncanny knack. One look at a boy and a girl, and I immediately know if they are just friends, lovers, or siblings. I just do! So the moment I saw these guys, I knew they were a couple. The boy was really good-looking. The girl quite ordinary. They were sitting on a parked two-wheeler, and I could tell it was a spanking new one. What happened within the next few seconds was this - the guy pulled out his cell phone, took the girl's arm and wrapped it around himself and clicked a self-portrait. Just as I passed them I heard the girl say "trouble" and the guy say "but we love". The girl had gone crimson in her cheeks and was mock hitting the guy.
The sight somehow made me smile... it reminded me of a time when I was their age. I was so sure about sex and love too! Just like that guy was sure that because he loved the girl, they were permitted to click a picture together. Our equations, fundas, concepts are so clear when we are young, isn't it? I remember myself from when I was their age... I thought I knew what love is, what marriage is, what a relationship is, what I want my girl to be; in fact, I didn't think I knew, I knew that I knew! I was so sure!
But you grow up, and all hell breaks loose. This whole thing we call 'experience' - it doesn't always do you good, does it? I don't think so. I mean, what good have a couple of heartbreaks done to me? Yeah, you will say "They have made you stronger", and all that bull. But what good is it to become as strong as a stone?
Sometimes it becomes difficult to keep faith. It becomes difficult to wait. Sometimes all you want is for time to freeze, so that you don't race into another heartbreak, so that you don't collide head-on into another disillusionment. And it need not necessarily be a happy time you want to freeze. Sometimes you are content with it just being neutral. Just no more 'happenings'... that's all. Is that too much to ask?
In the end the filter should be in our hands - which experiences we want to keep with us and take with us to the grave, and which ones we want to pass as 'bad teachers'... after all not every teacher we meet in life is a good one, for there sure is a great deal of difference between a knowledgeable person and a good teacher! Filter. That's all.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tumse Hi ♥
The power of the human brain or mind – I don’t know which is it exactly – to associate certain things or situations with certain people or places is so strong that it amuses me sometimes, and almost makes me wish it weren’t so…
… that movie which always makes you think of your best friend, no matter the place where you are watching the movie, or the time of the day at which you are watching it…
… or that fragrance that you associate with those cold winter mornings when you used to go for an early morning walk…
… or that song that reminds you of a love that was never meant to be…
You associate every minute detail of that memory with the person or the place that they remind you of – though it may not always hold true. You see your friend in place of the protagonist in the movie; you suddenly start to feel cold, even though it isn’t cold that day, and you wish that someone special meant the words of that song for you and only you, almost as if he wrote it for you…
And then you almost instantly wish you had not remembered… you wish you had forgotten all about it…
On a particularly neutral night, 2572 songs playing on shuffle mode, and the one song that still manages to send chills up and down my spine plays… and I freeze. I do not turn it off. I do not turn it up. I just keep staring at my laptop, and the song keeps playing… an agonising seven minutes fifty-six seconds long song… it just keeps playing…
… and then that particular line that I still so strongly associate with her…
I close my eyes – and I am in that small studio apartment again, she's in my arms, underneath that cozy teddy-bear blanket, content – though not comfortable maybe, sharing one small mattress on a cold winter evening…
I almost feel my stomach knotting as it all comes back so strongly as nothing can ever bring it back.
I open the folder containing the song. I right click on it – but I just can’t bring myself to delete it…
It is the only song in my library that is in .mp3 format…
It is the only song by that artist in my library…
It is the only thing that’s proof that she is not just a character from one of my stories but was for real; that she really happened to me.
She has vanished off the face of my life.
I do not have her number.
I do not remember her e-mail address.
I do not remember any contact detail…
But I don’t know if I should be glad about it or not…
‘It would be nice to listen to her voice again’, I think, only to realise I have forgotten what she sounds like…
‘It would be nice to know what she is doing now’, I think, only to realise she is not even in the same city any more…
So many things forgotten…
And then why do I still associate this song with her?
It is a pity I will never appreciate the song ever again in my life – for I cannot listen to it and NOT think about her…
And the thought of her – ah! It pains! The pang is deep, the pang is genuine… the pang is proof that she is not just a character from one of my stories but was for real; that she really happened to me.
How is it that a single song or a single movie is able to recreate the mood, the feeling, and the state of mind that is now a thing of the past, to such a minute detail?
I almost rub my sides, in fearful anticipation of finding her arms still wrapped around me… but I feel my own touch, and I don’t know if I am glad or sad that it’s only me… that hereon it will always be only me… that the memory will never be complete…
Shor me Khamoshi hai...... thodi si behoshi hai... Tumse Hi ♥
… that movie which always makes you think of your best friend, no matter the place where you are watching the movie, or the time of the day at which you are watching it…
… or that fragrance that you associate with those cold winter mornings when you used to go for an early morning walk…
… or that song that reminds you of a love that was never meant to be…
You associate every minute detail of that memory with the person or the place that they remind you of – though it may not always hold true. You see your friend in place of the protagonist in the movie; you suddenly start to feel cold, even though it isn’t cold that day, and you wish that someone special meant the words of that song for you and only you, almost as if he wrote it for you…
And then you almost instantly wish you had not remembered… you wish you had forgotten all about it…
On a particularly neutral night, 2572 songs playing on shuffle mode, and the one song that still manages to send chills up and down my spine plays… and I freeze. I do not turn it off. I do not turn it up. I just keep staring at my laptop, and the song keeps playing… an agonising seven minutes fifty-six seconds long song… it just keeps playing…
… and then that particular line that I still so strongly associate with her…
I close my eyes – and I am in that small studio apartment again, she's in my arms, underneath that cozy teddy-bear blanket, content – though not comfortable maybe, sharing one small mattress on a cold winter evening…
I almost feel my stomach knotting as it all comes back so strongly as nothing can ever bring it back.
I open the folder containing the song. I right click on it – but I just can’t bring myself to delete it…
It is the only song in my library that is in .mp3 format…
It is the only song by that artist in my library…
It is the only thing that’s proof that she is not just a character from one of my stories but was for real; that she really happened to me.
She has vanished off the face of my life.
I do not have her number.
I do not remember her e-mail address.
I do not remember any contact detail…
But I don’t know if I should be glad about it or not…
‘It would be nice to listen to her voice again’, I think, only to realise I have forgotten what she sounds like…
‘It would be nice to know what she is doing now’, I think, only to realise she is not even in the same city any more…
So many things forgotten…
And then why do I still associate this song with her?
It is a pity I will never appreciate the song ever again in my life – for I cannot listen to it and NOT think about her…
And the thought of her – ah! It pains! The pang is deep, the pang is genuine… the pang is proof that she is not just a character from one of my stories but was for real; that she really happened to me.
How is it that a single song or a single movie is able to recreate the mood, the feeling, and the state of mind that is now a thing of the past, to such a minute detail?
I almost rub my sides, in fearful anticipation of finding her arms still wrapped around me… but I feel my own touch, and I don’t know if I am glad or sad that it’s only me… that hereon it will always be only me… that the memory will never be complete…
Shor me Khamoshi hai...... thodi si behoshi hai... Tumse Hi ♥
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Letter to the 35 year old Aakash
Hello Mr Handsome.
How are you doing? I know great as ever. Well, before we start this, please tell me you are married. As a 26 year old, there were only 2 things that I've always feared. 1) I am going to remain single all life long. 2) Growing bald. Hey Mr handsome, hope you not growing bald yet?
So did you finally get the girl of your dream or was it some stupid girl your parents decided to get you married to? I know the answer is going to be the 1st one, because come on, it was me - aki.
Hope you doing great with your career. And have you opened your restaurant yet or is it still on papers with your so called best friends or what I used to call them - Brothers. How are they doing. If you not in contact, pick up the car and go and meet them, as they were life from the day I met them.
Well I know you must have been owning a sedan and a big house of your own. And 35 years means, you must have got married some 3 years or 4 years back. So hows your baby girl ? heh :) Weird 26 year old boy with a lot of questions huh !
Dude seriously if you don't have any of the above, except a bald head, then a big shame on you. What the hell were you thinking? what were you doing all this while. Just making friends or watching movies? Come on, if you haven't got any of them, please wake up, its time, you got to start to do something in life. And yeah if you not married yet, it doesn't matter, coz the 26 year old aki thinks that its cool to stay single and yes dude fall in love with only the who loves you equally like you do to her. As this 26 year old boy really had a tough time living single , falling in love and getting heart broken several times. So just take care of that.
And Mr Handsome I was fucking serious about the Sedan. I love to ride one. so please buy it for me <3
I have a task for you now. Please write a similar letter to the 45 year old Aakash.
Good bye 03/04/2011 - oh and yes yesterday India won the cricket world cup after 28 years.
getting nostalgic - I know yes, but no crying.
How are you doing? I know great as ever. Well, before we start this, please tell me you are married. As a 26 year old, there were only 2 things that I've always feared. 1) I am going to remain single all life long. 2) Growing bald. Hey Mr handsome, hope you not growing bald yet?
So did you finally get the girl of your dream or was it some stupid girl your parents decided to get you married to? I know the answer is going to be the 1st one, because come on, it was me - aki.
Hope you doing great with your career. And have you opened your restaurant yet or is it still on papers with your so called best friends or what I used to call them - Brothers. How are they doing. If you not in contact, pick up the car and go and meet them, as they were life from the day I met them.
Well I know you must have been owning a sedan and a big house of your own. And 35 years means, you must have got married some 3 years or 4 years back. So hows your baby girl ? heh :) Weird 26 year old boy with a lot of questions huh !
Dude seriously if you don't have any of the above, except a bald head, then a big shame on you. What the hell were you thinking? what were you doing all this while. Just making friends or watching movies? Come on, if you haven't got any of them, please wake up, its time, you got to start to do something in life. And yeah if you not married yet, it doesn't matter, coz the 26 year old aki thinks that its cool to stay single and yes dude fall in love with only the who loves you equally like you do to her. As this 26 year old boy really had a tough time living single , falling in love and getting heart broken several times. So just take care of that.
And Mr Handsome I was fucking serious about the Sedan. I love to ride one. so please buy it for me <3
I have a task for you now. Please write a similar letter to the 45 year old Aakash.
Good bye 03/04/2011 - oh and yes yesterday India won the cricket world cup after 28 years.
getting nostalgic - I know yes, but no crying.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Is that it ?
I was cleaning my grandma’s almirah and I came across a bunch of old forgotten photo albums today afternoon, and it was such a joyride! Me in shades that were a round shaped black colored Glass on it, big fat round ones, that made my eyes look funny; and sporting clothes reminiscent of times and fashion statements that are ancient now – bell bottom pants and T shirts that went below my knees but floated above the ground. Sure I looked like a disaster! But those pictures did manage to bring a smile on my face.
After that, I took out the bag of photo albums and went through those pictures, for I never tire of looking at those pictures. I saw myself growing up through the pictures… a baby, yawning away as Mom kissed my forehead; a toddler, waving to Dad from the floor as he left for office; a kindergarten student, clapping his hands and dancing to the tune of Yeh Kali Kali Aankhein (yes, I admit, I used to love that song as a kid!); a schoolboy, cutting the cake on his birthday with all his classmates around him; a teenager, with his best friend on a party night…
And then somewhere in between I disappeared totally from almost all the pictures… and it was just Mom, Dad, my cousin brothers, relatives, and everybody else – except me. Everyone laughing, sharing stories, telling jokes, just like always… but I was missing. I caught my head, or my hair in one or two pictures; but that was it.
I didn’t realise it until a tear had fallen on the one of the pictures that I was crying. I looked at all the get-togethers and dinners and parties and functions I had missed – because I was too busy studying for some exam, or mostly was at hostel. I felt very virtuous at the time – felt like I was being responsible and doing the right thing. Sure my relatives were all always proud of all my achievements, and so was I, I guess.
But looking at those pictures reminded me of times that I had let go by, and that didn’t look like they were going to come back. I miss my cousins, I miss my aunts and uncles, I miss all of them, and all the fun times we used to have together – the ghost stories, the college affairs (that they used to try and hide from me, cos I was too young n all, but that I did learn about anyway!) and so many other things…
I looked at those pictures and thought – why had I let these moments slip out of hand? Why had I missed that get-together? Why had I opted out of that party?
It wouldn’t have hurt if I had scored a little less on that test.
It certainly would not have harmed if I had not been in the hostel I was in.
It would not have mattered if I had reached late, but at least reached.
But I was brought up to be like this – responsible, punctual, dutiful, a good student, a good son – and that is how I have lived my life so far.
But do you call this ‘living’?
I do not want to suggest that the above qualities are not virtue – they no doubt are. But are these virtues more important than spending time with your family, or making merry with your friends, or just having a good time?
Just the other day I saw a trailer of some movie, and one of the dialogues hit me stark in my face –
Life mein kabhi kuchh galat kiya?
And I realised – no, maine kabhi life mein kuchh galat nahi kiya tha…
I keep telling Mom – loosen up, let go, ease out, relax, it’s alright if you don’t do one out of a hundred things, it’s ok if you don’t do the laundry today, it’s ok if you don’t cook today, it’s alright if you sleep till late today, it’s fine if the milk spills over before you could take it off the burner… but I wish I had realised the same a few years ago… that it was ok for me to not be punctual all the time, that it was ok for me to bunk my tuitions and go for a movie someday…
We often let virtues get bigger than people…
We give up on family, friends, and relationships even for our careers, for our jobs, for a better life, for money…
But this is not just about that…
This is about not letting virtues define your existence – you did not come in this world to be perfect.
Spend time with your loved ones…
Laugh from the bottom of your heart…
Love like you’ve never been hurt…
Dance like no one’s watching…
And live each day like it’s the last day of your life – you wouldn’t want to be sitting in front of a computer and working, or mugging up Economics book, or making balance sheets if it was the last day of your life, right?
And this is not because ‘kya pata kal ho na ho’… but because it is worth it, creating all those memories… they will run for your rescue in ways least expected, and you shall be grateful to them at some point of time in life…
After that, I took out the bag of photo albums and went through those pictures, for I never tire of looking at those pictures. I saw myself growing up through the pictures… a baby, yawning away as Mom kissed my forehead; a toddler, waving to Dad from the floor as he left for office; a kindergarten student, clapping his hands and dancing to the tune of Yeh Kali Kali Aankhein (yes, I admit, I used to love that song as a kid!); a schoolboy, cutting the cake on his birthday with all his classmates around him; a teenager, with his best friend on a party night…
And then somewhere in between I disappeared totally from almost all the pictures… and it was just Mom, Dad, my cousin brothers, relatives, and everybody else – except me. Everyone laughing, sharing stories, telling jokes, just like always… but I was missing. I caught my head, or my hair in one or two pictures; but that was it.
I didn’t realise it until a tear had fallen on the one of the pictures that I was crying. I looked at all the get-togethers and dinners and parties and functions I had missed – because I was too busy studying for some exam, or mostly was at hostel. I felt very virtuous at the time – felt like I was being responsible and doing the right thing. Sure my relatives were all always proud of all my achievements, and so was I, I guess.
But looking at those pictures reminded me of times that I had let go by, and that didn’t look like they were going to come back. I miss my cousins, I miss my aunts and uncles, I miss all of them, and all the fun times we used to have together – the ghost stories, the college affairs (that they used to try and hide from me, cos I was too young n all, but that I did learn about anyway!) and so many other things…
I looked at those pictures and thought – why had I let these moments slip out of hand? Why had I missed that get-together? Why had I opted out of that party?
It wouldn’t have hurt if I had scored a little less on that test.
It certainly would not have harmed if I had not been in the hostel I was in.
It would not have mattered if I had reached late, but at least reached.
But I was brought up to be like this – responsible, punctual, dutiful, a good student, a good son – and that is how I have lived my life so far.
But do you call this ‘living’?
I do not want to suggest that the above qualities are not virtue – they no doubt are. But are these virtues more important than spending time with your family, or making merry with your friends, or just having a good time?
Just the other day I saw a trailer of some movie, and one of the dialogues hit me stark in my face –
Life mein kabhi kuchh galat kiya?
And I realised – no, maine kabhi life mein kuchh galat nahi kiya tha…
I keep telling Mom – loosen up, let go, ease out, relax, it’s alright if you don’t do one out of a hundred things, it’s ok if you don’t do the laundry today, it’s ok if you don’t cook today, it’s alright if you sleep till late today, it’s fine if the milk spills over before you could take it off the burner… but I wish I had realised the same a few years ago… that it was ok for me to not be punctual all the time, that it was ok for me to bunk my tuitions and go for a movie someday…
We often let virtues get bigger than people…
We give up on family, friends, and relationships even for our careers, for our jobs, for a better life, for money…
But this is not just about that…
This is about not letting virtues define your existence – you did not come in this world to be perfect.
Spend time with your loved ones…
Laugh from the bottom of your heart…
Love like you’ve never been hurt…
Dance like no one’s watching…
And live each day like it’s the last day of your life – you wouldn’t want to be sitting in front of a computer and working, or mugging up Economics book, or making balance sheets if it was the last day of your life, right?
And this is not because ‘kya pata kal ho na ho’… but because it is worth it, creating all those memories… they will run for your rescue in ways least expected, and you shall be grateful to them at some point of time in life…
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Happy birthday Goli
"The Pahadi boys have arrived" . This was the first time I saw Anil walk into the class with his brother, or thats what he still prefers to call him , Saurabh. They both silently walk into the class and adjust and sit in between few broken chairs and yes behind Parul, the then hottie of our batch.
The lectures begin and I too feel sleepy and I decide to escape on the last row and sleep there. I go drag a chair and sit next to Anil.I see him, and he gives me a strange look. The look which says "For what have you come to college, to sleep or study?" And I remember I actually did start taking notes.
Now its been 7 years that we know each other and we are more than friends, We are brothers. He really means a lot to me. when ever I feel low, I just call him without looking at the clock too, cause I know he will be there for me anytime and anyday. Yes at time i have been an asshole and I tried to avoid him, but this guy remains firm and does things that are best for all.
Its his birthday today and as usual, inspite of calling him at 12 mid night, i forgot that its his birthday but so sweet of him that he himself reminded me of it being 2nd feb.
I just wish you a good life ahead and I know how life has changed and how bad life has actually been. You have always been strong and I hope that you remain the same. And bhai, we are there with you always to kick your ass and say - saalle Goli !- get up and get going.
Wishing you a very happy birthday bro ! My best wishes with you always.
The lectures begin and I too feel sleepy and I decide to escape on the last row and sleep there. I go drag a chair and sit next to Anil.I see him, and he gives me a strange look. The look which says "For what have you come to college, to sleep or study?" And I remember I actually did start taking notes.
Now its been 7 years that we know each other and we are more than friends, We are brothers. He really means a lot to me. when ever I feel low, I just call him without looking at the clock too, cause I know he will be there for me anytime and anyday. Yes at time i have been an asshole and I tried to avoid him, but this guy remains firm and does things that are best for all.
Its his birthday today and as usual, inspite of calling him at 12 mid night, i forgot that its his birthday but so sweet of him that he himself reminded me of it being 2nd feb.
I just wish you a good life ahead and I know how life has changed and how bad life has actually been. You have always been strong and I hope that you remain the same. And bhai, we are there with you always to kick your ass and say - saalle Goli !- get up and get going.
Wishing you a very happy birthday bro ! My best wishes with you always.
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