then she found me

I glowered as I shut the car door right behind me. Never had I hated going to school so much. School was never going to be fun, when in the last 12 years you have changed 4 schools and on top of that was always made to sit in the first row in the class and that to with a girl whom many of the guys were after. Imagine had to deliver letters from across the many fans she had in school to her, after all bench mates matter. I mean, yeah she was good and ofcourse beautiful, but, so what?



She was a girl with the most attitude I had ever met and she will always remain the same.



And I hate such girls. Anyone would actually, especially if you are at the recieving end. I mean ya, I really suffered a lot, but thank god being her benchmate did'nt suffer much. but still that did'nt make he less annoying.



This was just one part of the story. The other part of Veronica was that she was a big bully not a bully a prankster. And Seriously I hated such. So what if her boyfreind was the school captain, does that give her the right to play with anyone around, and especially me. Benchmates rite!!!



She really had a number of tricks to play around with, and I had been seeing them daily.



Really. Every single day.



Everyday Veronica would enter the class and catch the first person he could see as his first bakra. She even never got caught by the teachers, as she was one brainy chap we had in our class. But still, will that do any good for me.



She was intelligent, as in she would always get good grades in her exams, but she never did any home works, and her day would start with someone doing her home work, and many a times I was the one, who did the home work. Although at times I loved it. ;) And by the time she got her home work completed, she would draw some cartoons on the black board which only she found to be funny. She also never got her tiffin box, and the entire year 2003 she had her lunch in my box. And finally when the school came to end, Veronica would run down the stairs, pushing practically anyone who came her way, without much caring to see the consequence.

Really, what went wrong, and by the end of the year, she had completely changed and apart from her changing something else too went wrong. By now I too started loving school and yeah infact was missing the first row where we both sat.

It was my 12th standard and by then I too had become a stud sort of, in my school. And started loving everything around.

"Arey what are you doing? Don't bang the desk, my tiffin will fall" Veronica said to Dipesh.

But Dipesh continued to bang the desk and by the fifth bang, the tiffin fell on the floor with a big clang.

There was a momentory silence, and suddenly everyone burts out laughing.

Veronica looked at the spilled sandwiches.

I looked at dipesh. He was laughing. I turned around to hit him, but he quickly ran out of the class.

I then looked at the spilled sandwiches and went forward to help veronica clean the mess. And you wont believe, she was surprized, rather shock she was left. Her tears started coming. I saw a big fat drop rolling down her cheek.

And within a few moment we had Dipesh infront of veronica.

"Say sorry" Anil shouted, and we had him say sorry to Veronica. And I got up and hit Dipesh hard.

veronica still did'nt stop crying.

“Why are you crying?” I asked, after Dipesh had cleaned the tiffin. He was standing next to my desk, quite.

She didn’t answer.

Should I hit him again?” I asked.

No!” She exclaimed.

I looked at her. "Then what"???

She looked down at the tiffin and said "I'm hungry"

I pulled out my tiffin box immediately.

Mooli ke parante! Yummy I love them.

She started to hog, and she suddenly stopped and asked me, why are'nt you eating?

Am not hungry! I said

Something is wrong with you aki. How can that be? What are you saying?

“Really, you eat,” I said and just took a bite and she continued.

“Thanks,” she said. I smiled. :)

Put it back in my bag after you are done,” Isaid. “I have to go!” and before she could say anything I had stormed out of the room.

Nothing altered much after that day. Veronica was still the same girl and I was still the same boy. The only change we noticed was that we smiled at each other whenever we came across. Guess I was in love. ;)

Small but cute :)

[I had been getting many comments, that my blogs are too depressing and are full of negativity, but I would like to say, that it's no negativity, instead its just a passing thought which I as a blogger would always like to pen it down. Anyways for those such readers, who find my blog depressing and sort of negative, here is a post which will try to bring you back from the negative to the world of imagination and fascination, and will also try to be full of light.]

My parents had always brought me up as a girl.

My mom wanted a girl child, but here came me, but what ever it was, still my mom would treat me as if some girl. As a kid I always used to find myself dressed in some stupid girlish frock, with some polka dots on it. It was my moms favourite one. Always I had two pony tails tied, with a ribbon to decorate it. As a kid, I always had only girls as friends.


Wish this could have been limited just to my mom, but no. Eventually even my elder sister, Gauri, she also started calling me as if really I am that small cute sister of her. She too wanted to have a small cute girl in home so that she could play around with her. But time does justice, and she still had to play around, so why not with me. As a kid I used to play games like, Barbie Barbie, Kitchen cooking and with such similar things. My sister always loved to tie my pony too.

In my cell phone I love to carry the latest songs and almost everyone knew of it. The other day, komal was carrying my cell and was going through the songs, when suddenly, a message comes. "Hi, gudiya (doll)!!!! How are you??? Missing you like hell!!!! Love you!!! Mwahhh." And my komal was shocked. Aakash, who is this doll? And who does send you such messages? I too was shocked!

"I guess wrong number" I replied.

"Yeah, I too think so," Komal replied.

I remember there was this girl Chaani (Chandni), she was elder to me by a year or so. I had a big crush on her, but the irony was that she considered me as her small sweet SISTER.

It really took me time to come out of my childhood shock, of being treated as a girl. And I thank my boys hostel for that. Thank god had to part from parents and study in a boys hostel. Everything was normal then.

But the best part in all that was---Girls all around me. When I joined my hostle, I used to be a very home sick kind of a guy, so even had the chance to sit with my sister in her class, with girls all around. I simply loved it, when girls one after the another used to come and pull my cheeks.

I thought with time everything would change, but to my surprise even till date its the same with my mom and my sis. They still consider me as thier sweet small girl. But now the only change is that I no more play doll doll with my sister, instead I teach her cricket. And I have stopped growing long hair. So no point of anyone touching my hair and thank god I shop my clothes on my own and let no one ever bother in that.

For a change want to make it a small post and would like to end it here. cya, and yeah keep waiting for my next blog post

~The World So Selfish*

Sometimes I feel that wish there was someone with whom I can share my feelings, someone with whom I can share my joy, my sadness and in short everything. Sometimes I feel wish I could simply fly away from here and be left all alone, where I had no one to bother me ever. Wish things could work the way I want them to. A place where, there are no limitations, no boundations, no assumotions and no presumption. A whole new world of my own. A world where I have no worries, no tension, no fear, no pressure from anyone.

If only such a place ever exists.

I have always been away from home. At the age of seven, I was sent to a hostel, a place where everyone was new to me. I could'nt understand what they spoke. The food they ate was something different and they called it Idly, vada and sambhar. I was away from home for 10 years. And in these 10 years I made a new family of my own, My friends. They were everything for me, they were always more than a family to me. My world would have started with my friend and also th end was them.

At the age of 17 when I returned home, I was astounded by the world around me. It was not like the one I had thought it to be. Everything was so unusual in itself. I found many things so amazing. When I saw a guy wearing a jeans which was torn from the knee, I would laugh at him, and when I saw a people going mad in love, found it really wierd. Ohh come on it happens just in the movies or in novels. But I was witnessing everything from my eyes.

But amidst all this I was searching for a friend, a true friend.

But to be very frank, all of them were so self centred, so selfish, never bothered about anyone else. Its just them them and them. I found this world to be so ugly, where no one ever bothers to help a dying man, just because they have thier own work. And who cares if one person dies. It hardly matters. If there is a terrorist attack, for many of us its just a hot new masala which the new channels are going to show the entire day so people get their pop corn buckets and sit in front of the screen to watch the entire show.





There are just two ways to live a life:


1)Carry the "who cares" attitude and live as you have been or,


2) Take up control and see to it that things are being done the proper way.





Don't be shocked but most of us fall under the category 1. We always wait for things to happen. Or many a times feel that someone else will do the work, so relax and sit and what if the other guys also thinks the same. The result is no one does the work and it is left incomplete.





In this world of ours their is no place for a word called feelings. You tend to care for someone, but the other person, hardly bothers to even look at you and at the end you are the foolish guy standing in the middle.





Sometime back I too was this foolish guy who used to care for people, but how would you feel if the other person never reciprocate the same back to you. It feels bad. It feel as if you are unwanted. So had no other option to stop caring, thats it. I was thsi fool who used to keep thinking that friendship is everything in life and that was just because I was brought up in such a environment, where we tend to give friendship the maximum importance, but I was wrong this time again.





Who cares man! when was the last time any of my friend did remember me. I thought everyone is busy in thier life and it did'nt bother much, but my birthday came and went, and still I my cell phone did'nt ring. I always used to be the 1st to wish all of my friends on their birthday's but now when anyone hardly remember's me, then why should I keep going on and on.





I always had one thing to talk about and that was My friends, actually our group was really an awesome group, where everyone was a best of best friend on their own. Any issue and everyone is there. But today......





This world is so selfish, when the need comes, they too come else, hardly remember anyone ever remembering me.





Anyways no need cribbing on the this anymore. Its going to be of no use. So why waste my time and my brain on this.





Would like to end it by saying that: I want to be a greedy, selfish bastard. I want the fact that I existed to mean something.


cya for now.

She loves me!

My head bent down. I looked down at the concrete floor.

One big fat tear fell on my blue shirt and it blotted to make it a shade more darker. A blue to a dark blue.

I tried my level best not to cry, tried to bite my toungue to stop it. But as if rebelling, they came bigger and stronger. The more I tried, the more harder they came. Tears came banging out.

I tried to keep inhaling the air, as my throat had gone dry within seconds. I ran my tongue over my lips . But everything had gone dry.

It was something like this. The more you try to avoid something, the more it gets back to you.

A hundred million voices inside my head banging. As if the entire Indian army marching inside my head. The drums beating louded and louder. Nothing could have equaled a bomb blast that was going on in my head.

Altogether I went back in time. I was in my 5th standards...7th standard,....got my first crush....was in my college....grew taller, sharper and smarter, more sensitive, more responsible and on top of all this I grew mature by now.

But she was the same.

very judgmental,

Head strong,

Decisive about one's life,

Uncaring,

Irresponsible,

Immature,

She was still the same.

Everything in front of my eyes started to get blurry. My eyes by now were floating in the pool of tears. The tears started to role down my cheeks and right on the ground.

You say that my attitude, behaviour hurts you. I say your be behaviour hurts me. You do thhings without even thinking of me even once. You have changed a lot. And this change is for "no good". It hurts.

And these words were out of my mouth, even before I got to know what I was speaking. I was saying things unknowingly. But what ever I said was true and true to the core.

Next moment there was dead silence. No one spoke anything. Everything around came to a stand still. Even the breeze had by now stopped. Standing amidst the crowd but feeling as if no one is around. Not a single whisper from anyone around. Life was at a pause.

Your behaviour hurts , but I never say it.

Pause.

Because I don't like to and because I love you.

The voice had by now started coming. Was gaining the momentum to speak. But tried hard to control and not to speak, because every single word was capable of bringing down thousands of tears which I really did'nt want it to happen. I was by now learning not to do things in haste.

And still you said that I din't love her.

That I never cared for her.

How could she say such a thing.

My ears were burning as I was listening to all this but tears kept rolling.

In my head was going on the best times we had together.

But tears kept coming.

Tried wiping the tears but the pool of tears never got cleared.

Sat next to her and by now all the dams had broken loose and I was crying.

I'm sorry

I put my arm around her and her head rested on my shoulder and she cried as again she too said a sorry.

It felt good

It felt safe and secure.

It felt as if inspite of all my faults and inspite of me hurting her knowingly or unknowingly, but she still loves me.

Yes. She love me.