Ok. So something was gonna happen. And Yeah I was prepared for it; or something which I thought.
And It was the moment I realized I was falling heads over heal over for my friend all over again. And I also realized that she was or probably never be interested in me, and yeah al over again.
But I still tried my level best to play it cool….”Try and take it in a sporting way.” Just be happy for her. Ask her about the guy without feeling jealous or left out. Smile and yeah mean it too…ACT MATURE!!
But the main problem with acting mature is that at the end we land up just ‘acting’ mature…and probably you still aren’t mature enough to handle the situation.
I just wanted to convince myself …or tried to; that I am a ‘nice’ guy…..good looking and many such things…and that I am worth someone better and smarter….that I am not her kindaa guy,, but that doesn’t mean am not gonna have a gal or such thing…. For the almost 100th time in my life I tried to get over…but over what?? Actually I also don’t know over what….as we weren’t going around or stuff. So Cant call it a heartbreak too…..Anyways whatever it was , I was trying to get over it…..I still hav no idea regarding this….maybe was trying to hide the fact that am the only guy among my group of frens who doesn’t hav any gal fren. trying to get over the unwanted kind off feeling….trying to get over the feeling that am not being reciprocated ….like always I just tried to convince myself and yeah said good good things about myself to me….things that were supposed to cheer me up or were supposed to gimme a boost….I tried to talk to myself….I tried to argue with aakash, Why is it so important for me that a gal should like me or fall for me or whateva? And many such things kept going on n on in my head….
It went on n on….I was just trying to look at the sunlight of things, if there were any…and yeah also tried to act mature…
And then a point came…I just kept a halt at things in my head
You know wat? No matter what you do or say…..it SUCKS…and sucks a big time.
It sucks to be the only guy in the group of friend to be single…It sucks to always fall for gals, who don’t like you…and the gals just say word like you are such a sweet fren anyone can have. Or you derserve someone better than her…If I have all these qualities, then why not you dear? Am I so bad a guy….It sucks when gals think of you as a kidoo…just coz you are frank and speak whatever is there on your mind, and hardly give a damn to what people have to think about what you said….It sucks big-time. It really does actually. Poor chap…am fed up of this…and really no idea as what to do. AM fed up of the voice at the back of my head constantly reminding me of the number of calories am losing daily. Am fed up of going to the college to look at the guys who are dudes in the look, but are pathetic people inside. and are always surrounded by gals because they act chewwttt on the face, but who knows the reality. The duh huh guys!!!! … Am fed up of going around with guys who have nothing apart from their gals to talk about…It’s a shame….that people these days judge you by the people you hang out with, the number of galfrens you have, whether you go to the pub or not, or if you love partying late nite. Am fed up of going for romantic muvee’s where we have the hero kiss the heroine at the end and we just wistfully watching it. I’m fed up of trying to be someone am not. Yeah I don’t wear sexy outfits, nor do I prefer the latest gadgets and yeah I don’t have an tattoo too, and I have never had a girl-friend and I have never kissed or never been kissed…..SO WHAT???
One tries to be cool…then you have people accept you in their groups, and at the end you don’t succeed….then what….at the end of the day, it you and just you sitting with yourself and your tears to give you company….and at the depth of your heart you know its not worth crying…coz you know, you are always better off such people… and that its not gonna be the end of the world….but it the world we are living in…It’s the world I am living in. It’s the world where I am an individual….am alone in the crowd. It’s the world that is all ready to suck you to the core, but it’s the REAL world….and my comfort lies in the sentence which I read somewhere…..
Life is a dream… I will wake up when I die…
2 comments:
i couldnt have agreed more.The whole exercise of acting cool is futile because of the fundamental flaw that we are "acting" cool
Dude,I wish you could write something on this entire concept of "cool".I still dont know what it is.I mean are there set rules ? That this is cool,and that is "not-cool"....?
i couldnt have agreed more.The whole exercise of acting cool is futile because of the fundamental flaw that we are "acting" cool
Dude,I wish you could write something on this entire concept of "cool".I still dont know what it is.I mean are there set rules ? That this is cool,and that is "not-cool"....?
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