2010

Some people always have to be doing battle with someone, sometimes with themselves, battling with their own lives. So they begin to create a kind of play in their head, and they write the script based on their frustration.

I heard the old lady say these lines and realised how much they were true – every word of it was painfully true and relevant to my life. Right from the moment I was born, all I had been doing was fighting - battling to guard my existence; battling to guard my innocence, battling to exist in a world that was crueler than could be imagined. Every moment a struggle. Every moment a war waged against my own self that wanted to believe in the good in people and my other self that had nothing but eyes that could see the world around.

Life have not been good as imagined. Particularly in the last year. The year which goes down my memory lane. Year 2010, the worst ever. The worst I could have ever imagined. The only thing which kept me going throughout was the hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day and the day everyone will witness to be day on its own.

People say, if the first day of the year is good, then entire year goes good. I never believed in these things as they are too superstitious and only a fool would follow things like this.

But then why - why did I ever follow this? What was going on in my head when I went ahead to try to make my day good? Why why why? And now throughout the year, I have this finger of mine pointing towards me saying : What was wrong with you dumbass? And I stand silently, with my head bent down, saying a sorry. A sorry for what is not under my control. A sorry for all those stupid things I was doing and wanted to do.

The broken hearts, the ruined dates, the spoilt relations, the unanswered calls , the broken friendships and the end of the biker me. Its all gone with the year and guess these beautiful things are never going to return to me ever again.

I started to avoid people who really cared for me and gave importance to people whom I dont even know exists. The time spent waiting for them, the hours of sleep given up just to say a hi! It all just goes away with the click of the finger. People whom you gave importance never realized what they had meant in this life and walked away and left such a huge mark thats going to last this life long.

Fights with friends over nothing, and breaking up with them like you know that they will come back tomorrow, but now who will explain this to the kid inside that the world around has grown up, its time even you grow up. Wish I had never done certain things that had destroyed the real me.

As the year comes to an end, I would like to re begin a search for the real me, where have I lost the charm, the charm which always had all on my side, the charm that i built over years, the charm that got my first love, the charm that had been missing the entire year.

If anything good which happened to me was me not fighting with my best buddy and we becoming more of bro's than frens and the found of a new friend over internet. I know its going to sound crazy, but you never know. And I found this person to be my best friend I could have ever imagined to be. When I was all lost, this person came to my help always,no matter what, this person stood by me. May be it was fake, may be you were acting, but deep inside I know that this friendship was for real. And people may call me stupid for making friends over internet, but this time I am going to laugh at them and say - see I have got a true friend ;)

When dark cloud fill your eyes and theres no sunshine seen, just keep the faith in your heart that, theres always an angel who is watching you over and is always there to protect you. Maybe this time my angle was little busy and did not notice me much,but I know thet theres always a tomorrow. Always remember, after the night comes the day. So there is always an hope for a better tomorrow.

My 2010 had not been a good year, but YES I know that the coming year will be my best and I will work , work hard to realize my dream come true.